Struggling with Struggling

Life is a struggle.. 

Anyone who has taken an intentional breath notices the resistance of their flesh to the desire to inflate one's lungs. It requires exertion, an effort, and more so if encumbered with tight clothing or artificial restraint. How easy the breath when we are asleep (by contrast). Or the breathing we do when we are distracted by some other activity, why are such breaths not seemingly laboured or difficult..? Why is an intentional breath so much harder work?

This entire blog has been about wrestling with some thought, idea, conviction, position, application, meaning, existence, intentionality and my place in it. I note that in the passage of some nearly 10 years, I have not progressed much in my comprehension or indeed compassion of the various states on which I have reflected. I find the world as confusing and contradictory now, riddled with paradox and incongruity as I ever have and intellectually at least I have strayed further away from what many would consider to be central convictions of faith, creed, theology and practice. It is as if skepticism has replaced any sense of certainty of belief (as I've tried to resolve the absolutes of being 'in Christ' with the observations of my hypocritical life) and my pursuit of wisdom and understanding has only led me further to the conclusion that I am stupid, naive and ignorant. Oddly there is some comfort in this.

I see long known friends wrestle with physical and mental illness, attempting to hold on to 'truths', denying the power of the chains that bind them and seeing their bondage as only temporary compared to the eternity of worshipful freedom that they anticipate. The 'now and not yet' of salvation that dominates much of our understanding to attempt to hold in tension the contradiction of our reality with the truth of the transformative work of Christ in the regenerated heart. Yet the reality is our regenerated heart is still sick. It is not whole. It is not pure. It can and does still sin, and even Paul testifies to the tension when he laments that the good he wants to do he cannot do and more the bad or evil he does not want to do, he does all the more.. . It would in scientific terms at least be regarded as anything other than regenerated. yet, the contradiction of conversion suggests that we wouldn't even feel that contention (and struggle) unless our heart was regenerated, inclining our will towards God/holiness.. It seems like a circular argument, verified only with itself - (simul justus et peccator, anyone?)

Some of my friends note that I distress myself with incessant thinking. They couldn't think like I do, "isn't it exhausting?" they cry! Yet I respond, the thinking is what I am driven to do. it is how a mind works and I am surprised you spend so little time actually doing it, being content to bumble along without care, burden, certainty, conviction, knowledge, understanding, reference, critical analysis, evidential rationalism or indeed any sense of reason for the actions they undertake,...  'how do you know what you're doing is helpful to you?'  Don't you need to be convinced you are not 'wasting your life?' Are you instead a follower of fatalism or simply being tossed about by every wind of tickling ear doctrine? (to mash metaphor) How can you 'test and approve' if you neither can articulate what you think you know let alone have no criteria for verifying it?  Indeed to gain wisdom or understanding, surely one has to think?   How does one even begin to live with this 'new life in Christ' without thinking about the applications of what would be different?

One doesn't achieve a goal or state by simply an act of the will alone..  instead one takes an aspiration, determines what achievement of that aspiration looks like, creates plans to achieve that success and undertakes a discipline to action the plan, else all that is left is an aspirational target with no ability to attain it. 

What at least I try to do, is think constructively.. have a purpose about it.  It is a struggle, but it is not simply 'over thinking' as if random thoughts pervade and have no purpose or ability to settle into the complex tension of previous thoughts in their logical or philosophical positions.. instead there is an intentionality about it, to find meaning or peace by settling a matter (or parts of a matter) sufficient to be (at least) somewhat 'certain'... If I am to have any hope at all, I need to find a reason for that hope and to be able to  'always have an answer... '  If I do not have an answer I cannot fall back on 'I just trust that is it so' (for to do so I must have implicit trust in the authority of the source of the idea, which requires me to know what the source is, and verify that it is indeed considered to be the authority on the matter - and empirically that cannot be that the source matter determines itself to be the authority on a subject, as that too would be a circular argument and indeed one of the detractors for me in determining that the God-man Jesus should be authoritative in confirming the Word-Flesh scripture. )

Indeed, so many abuses have occurred also by fallible humans in positions of authority or influence in our lives [we are all hypocrites] that it is easy to imagine that there is no-one person capable of being sufficiently authoritative to enable us to take 'at face value' anything they say without having at least a cursory ability to see for ourselves. And yet faith requires us to hope in what we do not yet see.  So maddening is this position, as it is similar to the twisting winds of post-modernism where little seems to mean what it did, all truth is subjective and if you're confused about what you know, yet unbelievably intolerant of anything you disagree with, you're probably doing it right! I have so much sympathy with Thomas, who at least was able to touch the wounds of Christ to verify for himself what he could scarcely believe with his eyes let alone his heart.

But to answer my friend's rhetorical pronouncement from the earlier paragraph, the other seemingly truthful answer is 'Yes, it is exhausting'. Struggling is tiring.  Work requires effort. Energy is expended.  Anything worthwhile generally is. Ironically, metaphysically and practically - the struggle is real.

Still, I am angry and disappointed, at myself and with others.  I am sad, upset and broken, but do not want to be fixed - and certainly not fixed to be 'just like the unthinkers' in their blissful acceptance and blatant ignorance. I am not placated with platitudes and homilies nor personal stories of confirmation-bias which attests to why your 'truth' is right especially where there is denial of my reality or indeed contra evidence in your own life that you fail to accept exists. I don't want to discredit your truth, but I neither wish to accept it nor have it override my own.  Reality is too precious a thing to simply wave it away to whimsy or paradoxical tension in a 'now and not yet' way.  And yet...

I am somewhat envious of those who delight in their blissful ignorance, or blind, faithful, trusting subscription to an ideology or education without any understanding of why they believe it is so.  - that many cannot construct any personal creed stating a source (authoritative or not) for their opinion and yet can be certain of their truth is as inspiring as it is baffling. The level of 'self-belief' required for contentment in 'not knowing' is surely worthy of merit if not respect from others and indeed myself.   And for all I think I think I know, for all that I apply myself to applying, for all I hopefully hope in, I am still stupid, naive and ignorant.  The struggle with struggling is unending until death, and even then what is attained is lost and what is achieved makes little difference when righteousness is imputed by faith, through grace..

So what of the comfort in the struggle...?  

1. I am not mad.   - Deluded, confused, mislead, baffled, contradictory and purposeless maybe.  but not mad.  To struggle at all seems to conclude that one recognises that there is a reason for struggle..   who has known the mind of God? 
2. I am probably in error.   - to recognise that we are understanding metaphorically things we cannot conjure for ourselves, with our thinking shaped by our education and relative understanding of our world and our corporeal nature.  To perhaps accept that whatever we believe we have come to know is still little of what there is to know.   At this juncture we are 2000+ years after Christ and we're still debating and working out what his words mean, let alone others who have contributed to the canon of our scriptures.  We may be governed by theistic absolutes such as 'eternally consistent nature of God' yet there are many a matter that creates a bit of sucking of teeth as we struggle to resolve it within the consistency we acknowledge.. perhaps then I can give myself a little break that better minds than mine have not resolved some things sufficiently?
3. It is ok that the struggles of others are different to my own. Indeed if all of our struggles were exactly the same, how can we ever offer any real comfort that the struggle is worth persisting? - none of us would be able to attest to being at peace about any such thing!   Moreso that within the body we are all different parts.. We are not aspiring to all be 'the same' in skills, gifts, works or honour - indeed, how easy it is for us to overlook v 24 in 1 Corinthians..?    instead for proper functioning of the body we need our members to struggle with different things
4. I am not well read even though I've read plenty.  Sometimes to unlock something, some one says or has written something that conceptualises the conundrum and expounds a solution in such a way that scales from our eyes seem to fall. but my quest for understanding is unmatched by my ability to read let alone identify to be read, let alone having the time to read many such volumes in search of answers.  There are many (let me suggest) professional theologians and thinkers who have devoted many hours to many subjects (or just one!) and have gifted successive generations with their insight.  I have but many questions, and few solidly researched answers. This returns to the question of authoritative sources, and I'll at least add weight to arguments provided by those who have dedicated themselves to reasoning beyond my meager contemplations. 
5. Eventually my struggle will be over.  We all die. Striving will cease - whether for wisdom or righteousness.. Rest will come.  my ignorance will neither enable or prevent whatever might come later, and while it might be preferable to leave this mortal coil with some certainty about what the 'not yet' is, ultimately my preponderance of evidence makes no difference to what actually 'is'. 

Waiting is always the hardest part

In what is now my 18th unfinished blog post, I am wondering if this one will actually find its way to the WWW, I guess if you’re reading this I have!

As I approach my 40th birthday, I find my life in a state of flux. My youngest is 4 years away from adult hood, my wife has refreshed her employment skills and is now looking for work, and it seems that everyone is looking to transition to a new phase in their life.

As for me, I seem a little stuck. – not the stuck that most ‘nearly 40 something's’ feel as they approach the mid-life crisis years, – I think I did that a couple of years ago! – but the distinct feeling I took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in a back alley.   I won’t bore you with the details of those things, because actually that’s not the reason for writing.. Instead I’ve been pondering the question of why it is that I find waiting so difficult…

Here’s how it works for me.

• I send an email, I expect a response in a reasonable period of time. Reasonable is a fluid period, but I suspect a response should be received within a couple of days.
• If I send a text message, I expect a response within the same day – After all, all sorts of things could have happened that might prevent the intended recipient to reply, such as not having their phone with them that day, or being in a place with no reception or has the phone switched off, but one would imagine that at some point during that day, the recipient would find time to reply.
• If I send an instant message to a person who is online, I expect a response rather quickly.. – I mean barring leaving IM on (which does happen a lot, actually) if I’m engaging in a conversation I expect a response no longer than a pee break.
• If I’m in a conversation with a person, face to face, I expect a response pretty much immediately. (again pee breaks accepted)

Perhaps your expectation isn’t too far away from this in respect of communications using various media. Such is my personality, that the longer the gap after the expected response period, the more paranoid I become that I’ve said something which was received poorly and my emotional hamster starts running wildly trying to work out what I could have said better, and whether my relationship with the recipient is damaged etc. It drives me nuts. Most often, something quite rational happened and they carry on oblivious to my angst, and the delay was nothing to do with me at all.

Now it’s not just in conversations that my emotional hamster gets all worked up.  If I’ve promoted an idea, asked someone for a decision on something, made an alteration to something then my anxiousness is the same. What will they think? Will they agree?  And if the result of their musing will mean a change for me, then my uncomfortability rises exponentially, because I really hate living in the end of a season space, where something is finishing and something else is starting..  Innovation always energises me, and having to finish something or having to wait to begin something is like just winding and winding an elastic band on a balsa wood plane propeller (actually much more like twisting a sachet of sauce in  Wetherspoon’s before it explodes).

And so it is with God too.. I generally don’t find God silent. Most of the time it seems easy to determine his will by reading, praying, thinking, strategizing and just making a decision to act and seeing how the spirit feels about that! – God loves a good decision maker and unless he has other ideas (which he seems to make known pretty quickly) He seems pretty intent on my life heading towards His destination by choosing whatever path seems right to me at the time. [ For instance, you want to live in a different place? Put your house on the market! If it sells and you find a place to move to you like, then it would seem good to you and the spirit, so move.  If you put your house on the market, and it doesn’t sell, then that seems a pretty good indication that this might not be the right time to be moving.. and therefore get on with your life.]

But there are other things that are not so easy to wait for.. life changing events, that make ‘getting on with your life’ quite difficult…  That period between putting your house on the market and waiting a period of time to see if it sells, for instance is a horrible place to be. [and how sweet the relief once the house sells or a decision made to come off the market] Or maybe it’s a change of job role, and you’re finishing off your old responsibilities and trying to get up to speed on new ones. Man that can be a difficult place. Pregnancy too, is a big one isn’t it.. the pensive state between not yet being with a new life, and yet, there it is, trapped in a woman’s belly!

But the biggest for me, is in breakthrough.  When God is seemly quite and weak. Where it seems that a decision is obvious but the timing isn’t right, or when it seems that you don’t know where to go or what to do. When you’re struggling through something and waiting for the end. When you’re struggling to get to somewhere and you’re helpless to bring about the change you need. When you simply don’t know what to choose between two seemingly attractive or catastrophic outcomes, and you’re just not sure which one to choose because it HAS to be A or B not both A and B. (like should we move to Australia say, and stay in England.. you can’t physically do both)  These are the most difficult places to be.. and perhaps where our emotional hamsters do the most roiling.  The what if’s come crashing like waves.. it’s difficult to plan, after all you don’t know what’s coming next, and there’s no comfort whatsoever in the  ‘take each day as it comes’ mantra that you whisper to your tortured soul.  It’s an intensely restless period, where peace and joy seems far from your lips and life, even the simple things (like managing freezer food) becomes a nightmare, life becomes painful, itchy and fragmented, relationships become tense or stupendously intimate as you both hold on and let go at the same time, and family tensions boil over into arguments, eggshell treading and lots of tears.

I hate these periods, and I’m thankful they don’t come often. Most of our life actually is quite controllable, and we can enjoy the benefits of planning and executing those plans, and dealing with any variations or course corrections as we go.  Minor alterations from a trajectory are easy to manage because you have momentum, and pretty much everyone is on the bus with you.

• So where you have seemingly difficult choices, but where they are in your power to make changes let me urge you.. just make a decision.  You’ll feel better once you have made a choice. It may be the right one, it may be the wrong one. – Maybe you just won’t know, but the paralysis of not making a choice, sitting on the fence forever or worse, trying to straddle both positions as they diverge will bring endless [avoidable] pain to your life.  Just decide and move on.  If God is seemingly quiet on the issue, perhaps he doesn’t actually mind which one you choose?  And won’t he bring ALL THINGS together for the good of those who love him? Romans 8 v 28
• Get on with your life. How often have you heard someone pray or prophesy using Jeremiah 29 v 11?  I wonder why they do that…  I think it’s a very unhelpful verse in the way it’s often applied, because it PREVENTS a person from making a decision, and REQUIRES someone else to tell them prophetically what to do. But the context in Jeremiah 29 isn’t wait on God till he tells you what to do AT ALL… in fact quite the opposite, take a look yourself… note the verses 4-9 a clear instruction to settle down, raise rugrats, eat and pray for your city to prosper.  then the kicker… v 10 WHEN you’ve been doing that for 70 years, THEN I’ll come to you and fulfill my promise BECAUSE [v11] I have plans to prosper you …  So God has a plan to prosper you, but work it out as you live your life.. don’t be paralysed waiting for God to speak, just decide what you want to do..  he’ll make it pretty clear if you’re stepping off plan.

And so with some certainty I feel I must pronounce that indecision is simply procrastination. It is a fear that we will choose wrong, which puts us in the same back alley that making a poor decision would put us in.. So you see, whether you make a bad decision, or no decision, this negative outcome is waiting for you…. The only way to attempt to avoid it is to actually make a decision… 

But if like me, you’ve made a couple of decisions and you’re now in the back alley you feared, there are still two choices!

1. live in the back alley, give up and wait for death, or
2. turn around and do something different. 

It is exceedingly rare that God will open up a secret compartment at the end of the alleyway, taking you into an as yet undiscovered life, of extraordinary wonder and fulfilment, instead we have to take responsibility for any poor decision we made that brought us here, stop blaming others (or God) for ‘leading us here’ and TURN AROUND and get out of the hole we’re in.   

The reason friends, that waiting is so unbearably difficult, is that we’re on a journey [aren’t we?] and waiting isn’t much part of getting to your destination. If we’re waiting we’re wasting time.  Waiting should be an active temporary thing (like going to a bus stop, waiting for the bus to arrive) not a passive thing (waiting at home hoping a bus would stop outside your house). Passive is procrastination again.  So if you’re not seeing breakthrough with something, chances are you haven’t made the decision (or followed through with the consequences of that decision (which is the same thing as not having made the decision at all)). 

So where does that leave me?  For the things I can decide, things that are within my power to change, things that ultimate affect my journey/trajectory or ultimately my destination, I can make [and follow through] a decision or two and end my discomfort. I may make the wrong decision, but a decision at least will have been made and I’ll have to rely on God (at the end of my three core years and ten) to bring about those plans and purposes he has for me to come good. For the things I’m waiting for others to decide, hopefully they’ll not drag out the difficulty for too long, noting that it is destabilising for them also to have these things hanging about undecided.   I’m not sure what a reasonable period of time is to wait for that… but I can’t imagine being in the dead zone for more than a month will produce a happy bunny, so I guess that’s the yardstick by which I’ll get very twitchy.. Finally, I can be hopeful that whatever I decided and whatever is decided for me, there is a future hope that all things will work together for good, so I needn’t worry about how many wrong decisions I make, or how blunderous my steps, I just need to worry about how I am leading myself and my family, in Christ.  And if waiting isn’t a passive thing, then I’ll wait for my end of days, by living my life for the glory of his name while there is breath in my body. In the end, isn’t that what we’re all called to do?

What, you thought your life was going to be easy?

You wouldn't face any hurdles, obstacles, challenges or difficulty? (John 16:33)  Isn't it for this reason we are to edify ourselves and speak in tongues regularly? (1 Cor 14:4-5) singing psalms and hymns to each other (Eph 5:19) - so we understand what God's will is? (Eph 5:17) And what of the armour of God? (Eph 6:10-18) Is that only for decoration?  

The harvest field won't reap itself (Luke 10:2) but the corn is ripe in the field (John 4:35), waiting for you to harvest it!  It'll be hard work, you'll sweat, your flesh will be torn and you'll suffer (Phil 1:29), but you'll rejoice in those sufferings (Rom 5:3) because it produces fruit in you of hope, peace and joy that will quieten your feelings and purify you (1 John 3:3). So get dressed and be ready for service (Luke 12:35), be obedient and humble (Phil 2:8), be thankful and pray continually (1 Thess 5:16-18) be kind, compassionate and forgiving (Col 3:12-17) do good to all (Gal 6:10)  and if you are to go on living in your body make sure your labour is fruitful (Phil 1:21-22) while you press on towards the prize (Phil 3:14)

Surely you know these things are true? - Don't waste time listening to the whispers of fear from your feelings whilst ignoring the shouts of life and encouragement from the pages of the bible and from the Spirit. Are you being a giant (Num 13:30) or seeing giants (Num 13:33)?  For nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37) and he chose you and predestined you according to his plan so you can live for the praise of His Glory. (Eph 1:11).

JUST DO IT  !

Protecting our children

I watched the BBC documentary series Protecting our Children with some very mixed feelings about the program..   Why is it even called protecting our children, surely this is the wrong message and sets social workers against parents from the get go?  Isn’t this issue more about how we raise children?

The program stirred in me some very big questions...  Where is the extended family? What friends are helping to support them? Toby is likely to spend his entire childhood in foster care - how is that really better? How does a social worker help struggling parents by giving them a 'plan?'.  What care was there for Tiffany once her children were in care?  Mike clearly has some developmental issues of his own - how was he supported?   Did Tiffany love her children - I think she did..   and if she was making progress (as seemed evident) how can it be that she then 8 months later came to a decision that giving them up was better for them - or indeed for her?  I really hope this was nothing to do with 'CLASS' or 'ECONOMICS!'...  Suzanne's admission is she 'hoped' life would be better for Toby, but what checks are in place to make sure they are? 

It is distressing that there are so many people in our nation who really struggle to care for themselves (basic care) let alone care for others..  As a society and individually don’t we need to take a good hard look at ourselves and ask why that is?    If all we do is get upset, tutt and wonder how this could happen and yet drive past people who are clearly struggling without becoming their friend and coming alongside them, supporting, loving then shame on us.   Let us be better than this.   Social workers do a very difficult job, made more difficult because the rest of us often think caring for others is someone else's job.  They can only do so much, and are limited in what they are 'allowed' to do.  I'm glad they bought him a bed, but couldn't they have ensured it was set up?  Isn’t that something though that a friend could do? Surely, it's practical help and emotional support that people need, and that is often treated with suspicion when offered by social workers because the threat is 'do what I say or lose your kid'..    those without the power to remove kids, people like you and me, need to step up to love the parents, help them learn what to do without making them a mini-project, without talking down or judging them, and without taking over.   Let's use our anger, our distress and our new-found awareness to make a real difference this year to the lives of families, not just children in difficult or dangerous situations. 

When we come together

What is it that I expect when we gather for corporate praise and worship of God.  Do I expect songs and prayers? Contributions from the congregation?  Does it all have to be ‘on theme’?

http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/14-26.htm

Everyone has..

If this is true, why then don’t we make space for what everyone has… Have I prepared and thought about what I have to bring?  Or do I wait for last minute inspiration from the spirit?  Do I have a problem preparing to ‘lead’ by the spirit because I first don’t prepare myself?

A Hymn:

If one has a song, let him sing.  Does it matter if that song is a solo, or congregational?  Does it have to be in the language everyone understands, or can my soul just sing?  What if my heart song is different to others, in a different direction, can a place be found for that?

A Word of instruction:

I guess I expect the instruction from those with authority to preach. But is there room for others to teach?  How does the spirit inspire us to teach in a corporate setting?  How do I understand teaching to be ‘worship?’  Is the attitude of teaching one of humble service, or is it really only an attempt to encourage people to think my way, or draw attention to myself? How do I allow instructions to affect how I worship?  Am I open to responding differently to my natural inclination?

A revelation:

How is a revelation different to a word of instruction? How can revelations be incorporated into our meetings.. Do I need to say ‘Yes, I understand! The scales have been removed from my eyes and my heart is open to receive this truth or instruction I am hearing’.  Or do I need to share how the revelation changes how I will live differently?  What if I receive this revelation during the notices? Can I interrupt (as long as in an orderly way?) Or would we find it offensive if pennies dropped at different times and interrupted the flow of our co-ordinated, spirit led meeting? 

A Tongue:

Am I comfortable with tongues to edify God and ones to edify myself? those that build the church and those that speak only between ourselves and God?  Do I switch off when others bring tongues, because I don’t understand what they are saying, or am I open to the spirit to shape in me the context of their utterings?  How do I feel strengthened by a tongue?  Do I judge the speaker?  Are tongues only helpful during singing or praying? Should I expect my heart to respond to instruction or revelation with a tongue?

An interpretation:

Do I listen to the spirit for an understanding for myself? Do I feel confident to share what I understood?  Do I weigh what is presented, or give space to receive what is said?  What do I do if an interpretation seems radically different from what the spirit seemed to be saying to me?  Do I treat tongues and interpretations as authoritive?  Do I understand them to be God to us, or us to God?  What do I do with an interpretation that seems to be directive? 

To strengthen the church?

What is my motivation for participating? How is my participation both personal and corporate?  Does what I have to say, sing or bring move others towards God or away? How do I encourage someone who brings a contribution? Do I find the contributions others bring encouraging or distracting? Do I judge someone else’s contribution because it comes from a different place to where I am at, or what I want to say to God or others?  Do I recognise when I feel strengthened, or see the effects of the gathered church being strengthened?  Can I identify when a contribution has affected many of us? Am I open to be strengthened by others contributions or am I too defensive?  What does it say about my relationship with God if I remain silent ‘when we come together’? Do these contributions only have a place in our formal meeting, or should they be in evidence whenever 2 or 3 are gathered, perhaps over coffee? or walking to the car park with others?  How closed is my attitude to what’s appropriate, contemporary or relevant? Do I ensure that as a living stone, I have to play my part irrespective of my hearts state or feelings?

Please support #movember [and me too :) ]

Hello

You may not have heard about #Movember… it’s a month where men (and perhaps some very gifted ladies) grow a moustache (sans other facial hair) to raise vital funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically for prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men.  http://uk.movember.com/about/

I have signed up to do this, this year, and I hope to grow a rather fine specimen in the next 30 days..

To make this facial feat worthwhile, it would really help me if you would consider donating a small amount to my movember page, where I am hoping we’ll see great success in exceeding my £100 target.  Your small gift (gift aided too if you pay UK tax) could make a real difference to so many..

Here’s my page… http://uk.movember.com/mospace/1798016  just click the big DONATE button under my picture.. and check back regularly to see updates of my sproutings..

Thanks for your consideration

Rob

I don’t believe in Social Action

Too often social action is described as a project to meet a need.  Some projects and organisation to meet objectives are really helpful, important and necessary, but the poor and needy are not projects to be managed, they are people we are to love and be responsible for.   We cannot, we mustn’t think that because we’re involved in a socially minded project we have fulfilled our obligation to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, heal the sick.  Instead I believe a better terminology would be social responsibility.   It means being aware that our neighbours and strangers we meet have needs, and that we are responsible for meeting those needs. It is to our homes that we are to welcome the stranger, to our table the hungry to be fed, to our wardrobe that the naked are clothed, from our businesses the poor find employment.

If we are blessed with a place to rest our head, with food in our cupboards, with clothes on our back, with employment to earn a living we must not hold it only to ourselves. There is much good that can come from employment and having possessions to share, but we must not become consumed with self advancement or only benefitting our family or our friends. We must walk with eyes open to see where the needs are among our communities.  Galations 6:10 says that ‘as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people…. that doesn’t sound like a project environment to me, instead isn’t it a readiness to respond to needs as we discover them.  What then do we need to do differently to be in a responsive position?  Perhaps it might be that we purchase extra food so that we can bless our poorer neighbour (do we really need a food bank to do this? – though again they can really help) it may be that we cut the grass for all of our neighbours. Maybe we take out all the bins. Maybe that we take people shopping or offer to do laundry.  Maybe we look after people’s children so they can go to work? Maybe we help them organise their money?   Whatever the needs are around us, the peril for not responding is clear…  Ezekiel 16:49 tells us that The sin of Sodom was that they were proud, well fed and comfortable but “did not help the poor and needy”..    I hope I can become more socially responsible!

Thinking about marriage

There’s always been a bit of a furore about marriage and sex in Christian circles. I wonder is it possible that we confuse our biblical understanding of marriage, betrothal, engagement and responsibility when looking the lens of [western] legal marriage concepts and societal expectation and if so how easy is it for us to separate what we have practiced as the norm from what the bible actually says?

For a whole host of reasons, I’m not offering an answer to that question – this is after all a blog which captures some of my struggles to understand and live right and I wouldn’t want to knowingly or unknowingly [Rob Bell like] lead any reader to conclusions I don’t support - but I share below some of the questions that have challenged my assumptions/perspective…

• Hypothetically: If it could be proved that Jesus had a sexual relationship (with Mary Magdelene ) would that challenge His divinity, or our understanding of sex[ual sin]?
  • If Jesus did ‘kiss Mary on the mouth’ (as suggested in gnostic gospel of Philip), and ‘loved her more than the other disciples’ (as Philip and gospel of Mary Magdelene suggests) does that redefine what we might see as appropriate loving contact ‘prior’ to marriage [if we assume that had Jesus have been married it surely would have been recorded?]
• Might the growing trend towards co-habiting, civil partnership and alternative lifestyle choices in our communities require us to redefine how we speak about marriage so that we are clear about what we communicate is God’s plan? If indeed God has but one blueprint for the way in which each of us should live.
• In cultures where plural marriage is permitted by law would we define God’s understanding of marriage differently? (Does God actually care how many wives/husbands we have (or had?). Is it important that the Trinity is 3 not 2 persons? Do we speak of responsibility to wives rather than singular wife? Do we promote divorce as a method of ‘making right’ something which is ‘wrong’?)
• In cultures where there is no marriage ceremony but where there is an understanding of ‘belonging’ would we define sexual activity within that relationship to be sinful?  If not, how do we respond to co-habiting couples in the West? – ie what exactly are we communicating is biblically sinful? (sex without legal contract? sex without clarity of exclusivity?)
• Is it right to conclude that faithfulness is not about how many wives or concubines a husband might have, but how you care for them? 
  • Is marriage then more about faithful responsibility (provision and offspring) not sexual monogamy?
  • What then is the biblical definition of adultery? Since if one even looks with the eye at another he has committed adultery in his heart (even before a sexual act has taken place!)
• Paul seems to suggest [1 Corinthians 7:32-33] remaining single is preferable to marriage, and that marriage is reserved for ‘if you can’t control yourself’… [1 Cor 7:36] So is God for marriage or against it?
  • For elders and deacons is it essential they are married?…
  • or if they ‘are’ married essential for them to only be married to one woman (presumably at once)?  
  • What then do we make of ‘it is not good for man to be alone?’
• If there was a global disaster which significantly affected the number of men available to sire children and continue the species, would our biblical understanding of marriage, wives and sex subtly change?
• If there was a global disaster which significantly affected the number of women available to bear children and continue the species, would our biblical understanding of marriage, husbands and sex be different than if men were in short supply?

 

What I’m pretty certain of is:

• Marriage is a good thing for lots of reasons. Some biblical, some practical. some personal
• Taking responsibility for each other is serious and important.
• Providing stable environments for child rearing is essential.
• Loving relationship (as an antidote to brokenness) is always on God’s heart.
• How we speak about how people live demonstrates to them what the kingdom of God is like.
• I don’t think Song of Song’s is primarily about God and us,  nor am I certain (from the text) that the sexual activity was exclusively post marriage. [but then I voted for the Alternative Vote so what do I know :) ] .

You may find some answers to the questions above in some of these links: (* determine for yourself their validity to speak on the subject) better still do your own research / ask your elder..

• http://www.bethinking.org/right-wrong/whats-wrong-with-sex-before-marriage.htm
• http://www.gracecentered.com/biblical_view_of_adultery.htm
• http://www.thelivingwordtbc.com/1cor23.htm
• http://thechurchofjesuschrist.us/2009/07/is-john-piper-okay-with-polygamy/

Why I‘m voting YES to AV on May 5th

 

There are several reasons why I’m voting Yes to the Alternative Vote (AV) on May 5th 2011 that I’d like to share with you.

I’m REALLY tired of politicians being elected by less than a third of the people who turned out to vote.    This major factor means that nearly everyone can complain they haven’t got who or what they voted for, and gives cause for them to disengage with the political process and opt out of responsibility.

Here’s the results table for Cannock Chase 2010

Name	Party	Votes	%	+/- 2005
Aidan Burley	Conservative	18,271	40%	10.1%
Susan Woodward	Labour	15,076	33%	-17.9%
Jon Hunt	Liberal Democrat	7,732	17%	3%
Various	Other Parties	4,480	10%	5%

In Cannock Chase District, in 2005 Labour won with 51% of the vote. Under AV that result would stand without a second round. In 2010 Conservatives were elected with 40.1% of the vote, leaving 33% voting for Labour and 17% voting for Liberal (on a 61% turnout).  The voting majority of Cannock Chase (nearly 60%) did not appear to want a Tory MP as their first choice but that is what they got which to my mind is clearly unfair.  First past the post (the current electoral system) works really well in a 2 horse race, but with the vote as fragmented as it is between more political parties it just doesn’t make sense to use a system that can elect a person/party without a true majority of support.

AV is all about MAJORITY PREFERENCE. Under AV, If there is a clear winner (50% of any vote) that person is elected straight away with no second round count.  This means that it is as easy as ever to remove a dodgy MP, but it’s also as easy as ever to ELECT a person we think might do our county good. But because a prospective MP (or returning MP) has to get 50% of the vote to avoid second round counting, they have to work hard for us for more than the 6 weeks before an election.  They cannot just rely on their party affiliated supporters to see them through, they must win over floating voters and those from other parties by their actions.   That to me seems a jolly good.

If you only want ONE vote to be counted against your candidate, then you can choose to ONLY mark ONE box on the form. There is no compulsion for you to vote for more people than you want.  So if you can determine that the values and policies of only one politician are ones that you can support then you can continue to exercise your vote in the way you do now.  In the last election, I found that I was most in agreement with one party, somewhat in agreement with another, and definitely opposed to the policies of another.  It would have been likely under AV that I would have exercised my first and second choice only.    In the 2010 result, if I had voted for either Conservative OR liberal, then given the coalition government that was formed I should feel that my vote really made a difference in who is running the country.

However, I think one of the greatest benefits of AV is that for the first time in a long while you can actually vote for who/what you want, not for what you don’t want.  Your first choice will count towards the first round just like now. If you however have also indicated that you would be happy if another parties candidates policies were successful  then if there was not 50% of the vote, your primary vote can be reallocated to a second round candidate.

We have no way of truly knowing what might have happened In Cannock Chase but given that 60% didn’t want a conservative candidate where could the remaining votes have gone? Would there have been enough residual support for Labour to elect them in the second round once they had a bloody nose from the first?  Would Liberals have captured a popularist surge from people who would normally vote Conservative or Labour (because they had more chance of winning) but feel more comfortable with Liberal policies? Or would the Conservatives have won over those who were making protest votes with minority parties in the first round but would feel comfortable that Conservatives had a workable plan to put us on a path to recovery?    We can debate that forever and a day, and we will never really know.. but I would have liked to have found out.

Certainly AV is a change in how we vote now.  How we approach change in our lives is really important.  Often we approach it with a mixture of fear, nervousness and sometimes excitement. There may be many questions you have about what AV is and what it isn’t, and you may think that there are some things you don’t want to have happen that will force you to vote against AV.  One of those thoughts is that AV could allow the BNP to be elected, but let me ask you, just how likely is that? Remember, they would have to get 50% of the population believing that their policies are helpful sufficient to get 1st, 2nd or third round votes allocated to them.  In the last election only 2,168 people in Cannock Chase voted for the BNP, so how likely is it that another 20,612 people would be convinced enough to add them as a second or third choice sufficient for 50% of the vote from those who turned out?  I don’t think very likely at all, even as a protest vote.

I have given you some reasons for voting for AV you can find out more from the Yes2AV campaign. The No2AV campaign will provide several reasons for you to fear the Alternative Vote system, what I would ask you to think about is, what is it you want, rather than what you don’t want.

How can we be culturally relevant?

I have been thinking a lot about the expressions of Christianity that seek explicitly to be culturally relevant to the people around us, but I am uneasy about how some describe how they have adapted themselves to become culturally relevant, and here’s why.

We’re supposed to be different. 

• Matthew 5 says we are salt and light. That means we shine light on situations and leave our saltiness wherever we go. 

We’re supposed to be loving, not selfish.

• The culture I see around me relates more to what can I get, rather than what can I give.  If we emulate that, how are we different?

We’re supposed to stand for righteousness, not abandon it

• If our contemporaries and neighbours are pursuing hedonistic activities, don’t we need to redeem them not join them?

We’re supposed to be instantly recognisable

• I have some sympathy with the ‘dress like those you want to reach’  and ‘use lingo your hearer will understand’ argument, but no-one will look more ‘out of place’ than me wearing a pair of Nike’s and a hoodie and talking slang. I’m not afraid of doing odd things or feeling uncomfortable, but surely better to be ‘myself’, genuine, passionate, interested and loving than attempt to pass myself off as ‘one of them’?  Doesn’t it look too ‘try hard’ to attempt to emulate them?

 

My Wonderings:

All things to all men

• So what on earth do I do with Paul’s comments in 1 Corinthians 9??
• To reach the Jews he became like the Jew. – Does that mean to reach a muslim I need to be like them? live like they do, act like they do?
• To reach those under the law, he became like one under the law – Do I need to keep ceremonial activities? be ‘religious’ to the point of bondage?
• To those not having the law, he became like one not having he law – Did he become lawless other than Christ’s law?  Did he break the law of the land to uphold the higher law of Christ?
• To the weak he became weak.  Did he starve his body? Did he not use his intellect? Did he speak differently?
• I think this is more about going where they go, doing what they do (to an extent) to show openness to understanding their life.

 

Isn’t it about relationship?

My grandparents were culturally relevant to me, not because they dressed like me, drove like me, used technology or spoke like me (other than mother tongue) no, it was mainly because I was important to them and they were important to me. We were connected relationally. They loved me because they chose to, and I spent time with them because I loved them… I wonder then isn’t that how to be culturally relevant?  Finding things in people who are different to you that are similar enough that you can connect with them?   Isn’t that how we show them we love them?

When we need people, don’t they feel good?  We can love endlessly, but if we don’t actually care about the needs of the people we are loving, if we don’t need their love and care and interest in return, then it’s NOT a relationship, its a project or a work.  It always bugs me when I see people in caring professions talk intimately to their other colleagues over the person in their care.  It always makes me feel desperately sorry for the ignored PERSON that is right there.  I understand that it’s easier to talk to those you have relationships with, but that’s exactly my point… if we build relationships with people, not just ‘ministries’, aren’t we then able to meet that other side of wanting in us (and them) to be needed?  I wonder how much easier it is to minister to someone’s lack of self worth when they see that we need them?  How much more loved someone feels when we seek out their friendship to support us?  How much more part of the kingdom of God they feel when we include them in shaping our plans and dreams?

So what Culture is important?

I don’t yet know then whether the extremes of inexclusivity of some of the emergent folks or the ultra tolerance and inclusiveness of the Shane Clairbourne’s of this world demonstrate is something I can identify with, though there’s a massive way to go from where I am today towards their world/kingdom view that I’m somewhat embarrassed by the faltering steps I’ve taken so far… But I’m reasonably certain that our task is to bring the culture of heaven, the kingdom of heaven down to man.  I don’t think this means counting people who have not chosen Christ as ‘included in His book of life’, but it does mean expressing Christ’s love to them, loving them with my heart and actions, because their life depends on it.

If you have thoughts or comments about this, PLEASE COMMENT, because I’m thinking this through.  If you’re going to be at the everything conference tomorrow and you bump into me, say hi and tell me what you think BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW.

Another battle of the mind

It can be frustrating attempting to lose weight especially when, like me, you have a lot to lose.  As an attempt to fix what seems like endless fatigue following unrefreshing sleep, I have embarked upon yet another diet and exercise regime [recommended by my medical practitioners] that is intended to bring my weight from “morbidly” obese into obese and increase my fitness from sedentary to mobile [and what I hope will be Marathon running ready before I’m 40!]

Having tried to comply with previous food regimes (and alcohol consumption) in the past without much gumption and then hardly surprisingly little success or change in my condition, I am finding that having attainable goals [London Marathon 2012] coupled with my desperation to fix this debilitation has produced an extraordinary level of commitment to the ‘program’ which has resulted in seeing a daily reduction of at least a Lb and sometimes two!

My overall calorie count is now between 1500 and 2000 a day and I am doing fat burning exercise which is reminding my body that I have legs, a stomach and arms, (all of which have slight aches and pains to remind me of effort undertaken in previous days).  My wife has joined me in the ‘plan’ (though I can’t imagine for a second the thought of running with me in the Marathon is anything she wants to entertain) and I have made my food, sleep, exercise and weight information fully accountable to her using a website (dailyburn.com) tool.

All good stuff.

Then today, mysteriously, for no good reason that I can see, I haven’t lost any additional weight.  I can imagine that 2 weeks in, this is exactly the same sort of thing that happens to people on diets and when they throw all caution to the wind, get cross and go back to doing what they did before… I find myself getting cross at the lack of progress, but I KNOW that I’m making progress towards my goals. SO I MUST NOT GIVE IN.  Shortly I’m going for my second run (walk, run, walk, run a bit more, walk to near my house, run the last bit) with the hope that I run more of it and walk less.  It’s only a 1 mile circuit, yet for me it’s an enormous task, a long way from my teenage years where I ran a marathon a day to run from London to Lancaster for ActionAid.

It reminds me that the battle for the mind is a daily, sometimes hourly requirement. We must not give in to the temptations and fightback that occurs when we choose to follow the way.  There will be days when it is a delight to work hard and find ready success (losing weight) and days when you do the same things and success does not come so readily. (not losing any weight). 

Discernment is in knowing when you need to change what you’re doing to find success and when you need to persist in what you’re doing to find breakthrough. 

I also need to ensure that I do not give myself to worrying over what I did or didn’t do differently, but instead focus on living right today. Continuing to account for everything that goes into my mouth and everything that I do with my body.

I’m taking some leave today, so that I can go to a regional meeting on Social action. it’ll be sitting down most of the time either travelling or listening. There’s higher risk of eating biscuits or cake – just because it’s there – and less opportunity to be as active. 

Taking leave from your activity does not justify taking leave from the plan.

No more than taking a holiday enables you to turn off being a Christian and please yourself. We are ALWAYS working for the kingdom of God even when we are rest, and we should still look to serve God and each other in what we call ‘our’ time off.

So I’m off now for my run, and whilst I pound the street I shall remind myself of possibly the best running song I know…

Be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you.
Be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you.
I am not afraid [No, NO!, NO!!]

I am not dismayed [Not me!]

Because I’m walking in faith and victory,
Come on and walk in faith and victory
For the Lord, your God, is with you.

Big juggernauts or tacking ships

There’s a bit of a circular loop bumbling around my head about the optimal size for church bodies.

With a 100 people:

you can usually form all the core components of church life, have project ministries to your neighbourhoods, have enough finance to support one or two paid staff and have sufficient equipment and skilled personnel for bands, children’s work and preaching.

With 400+ people:

the resources gathered can do significantly more, meetings have a different feel, multiple projects can be established, maintained and (crucially) passed on to another continuing the work.  There’s finance for more paid staff (including administrative) and the reach of the church can be a great deal further than the more local 100.

With 1000+:

places to gather are very constrictive and relationally connected groups are needed to create oneness.  Communication and participation can become almost solely front led, or led by department heads but the ability to launch something, staff it, resource it and deliver it becomes easily attainable. Undoubtedly the reach is further than with 100 people, is it more or less than 10x? I don’t know.  When a church body approaches 1% to 2% of a geographic location’s population the church voice can start to be heard (along side it’s actions) and the ability to shape policy and highlight social change becomes dramatically easier.

Here’s the questions:

A church body aspiring to be 100 will rarely reach bigger than 100.  - Is that such a bad thing if the contribution on the ground is effective, localised and well regarded?  - Should a key metric of effectiveness ALWAYS be numerical growth?  Is it more likely that we can build many churches of 100 or so, and that we need to work more strategically together to accomplish more, rather than building mega churches?

Moving from 100 – 400 (via the inevitable 200) is a challenge.. the processes and communication methods that can work with 100, don’t work as successfully with 200, and worse with 400. Email discussions become a nightmare with more than 3 people in them, and planning meetings (and meetings in general) seem to need to increase to get anything done.   Does relationship suffer in this process? Does the output from church life become projectised rather than loving?  is there a propensity to carry more passengers than activists?  Are the 100+ leaders the same as 400+ leaders?

Foundationally, should our church communities have bigger numbers in mind than the next numerical growth target?  for instance, is it ludicrous to act like a church of 1000 when you only have 60 people? Does there need to be consensus in the minds of leadership teams and department heads that we’re going for numerical growth, and what that growth looks like?  How do we ensure that economics are geared around how we serve, not maintaining buildings or other assets?  How does vision change as size increases?

Nehemiah, Organised builders and got building underway

I’m preparing for leading congregational singing and looking at the text for this week,  where we’re preaching through Nehemiah and looking towards moving from our current building to a new facility in the town.  I’ve struggled to get excited about Nehemiah 3 which is essentially a list of names of people who rebuilt parts of Jerusalem’s walls and finding songs that mesh even harder to find than normal!

I turned to Mark Driscoll’s series on Nehemiah for some inspiration. http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/nehemiah/leading-and-laboring#play  These are the notes I took as I listened to him preach on this chapter.

1. Leaders keep names of people they are leading to pray for them.  These were ordinary people building the walls, and were honoured by God when he listed them in the bible.
2. The size of the project determines the size and function of the organisation to tackle the project. As an organisation grows, it complexifies.
   • Initially when an organisation is small, the pastor tends to do all and know all.
   • Then when there are two or three together, a little of the load is shared, but still pretty much everyone does everything
   • Get a little bigger and complexity starts to increase, it’s a bit more like a basket ball team, where there’s a single coach, and a play maker and a solid team with some guys on the bench
   • Bigger still and gets more like a American Football team where there’s specialisms and parts of the team don’t even know or serve together, you have offence and defence, and different coaches. They don’t all play at the same time and have different skills and tasks.
3. Nehemiah can’t build the walls all by himself, it requires the help of everyone to do their part.
   • He broke the task down and allocated to smaller groups, who were unified in theology, purpose & relationally.
   • Teams were built on pre-existing relationships. (family, friendships, co-workers)
   • The bigger an organisation gets, the more important it is that there is trust.
     1. The task cannot be accomplished if people can’t be trusted to fulfil their part
     2. Trust the people you’re building with to do their part as you do yours
     3. Important to keep faithful to the vision, and not side snipe and become divisive.
   • Teams specialised on each section of the wall. Generalists are great when things are small, but when the tasks are larger, we need to use specialists who will be more effective at supporting the work.  (Consider the difference between your GP and a specialist at a hospital, where there are departments and consultants.)
     1. We need to change our focus on where we go to with issues – we can’t all run to the pastor when there are hundreds of us.
     2. Clearly identify who is doing what, and who the goto guys are
   • Have to focus on Air War and Ground War.
     1. Air war: communication to the masses (Chapter 2, preached to them)
     1. Necessary for explaining vision, correcting theology, setting the pace
     2. Some of us have only been affected by the air war. We listen to what is said, attend meetings but are not plugged in.  They’re identified with us, but not engaged in our task.
     2. Ground War: Training, leadership developments, community groups/relationships. biblical counselling. (Chapter 3, work connected to the vision takes place, to make the difference!)
        1. Those who are engaged in the ground war are:
           1. financially contributing
           2. engaged in service
           3. in a community group/relationship with others
           4. understands the vision and the part they play in achieving it.
4. Nehemiah worked ON the organisation not IN it
   • Nehemiah didn’t build a section of the wall himself
   • He stayed attentive to what was going on in each group and how the work was progressing.
   • He looked for old stones. (140 year old stones, were re-used)
5. God lists by name a list of people.  Because he loves people and loves to father them
   • God could have rebuilt the wall himself (he made the heavens and the earth didn’t he?)
   • We capture something of God’s heart when we work with him,
   • We can share in his joy of what is accomplished.
6. Everything we do is ‘ministry’, even if we’re not paid for it, if we do it as ‘unto the Lord’
   • Jesus worked for 30 years in relative obscurity before his 3 year public ministry. During that time he was still Holy, still serving God.
   • Whatever it is we’re doing, it’s all sacred if it’s done unto the Lord.
     1. Some say, I wish God would use me. whatever you’re doing, if it’s unto the Lord,  HE IS!.
     2. some of the guys mentioned in Chapter 3, are mentioned for ‘picking up rocks’ and putting them in the wall.
7. The nobles refused to work – don’t look to lead if you don’t serve.
   • Some people worked from Home.
     1. They worked outside their house
     2. Your house is an extension of your church facility
   • Minister as a family.
     1. Recognise gifts as they grow
     2. lead by example
8. Some work is less desirable than others.
   • The dung gate.., someone volunteered. lets humble ourselves to get the work done.
9. Old stones (older Godly people) have life, wisdom and experience of God working
   • Model godly behaviour, support new growth.
10. With 38 teams of people the wall got built.

So what is my response to this?  How will I lead now?

I’m looking for songs that encourage us to:

• Understand the ‘right now’ vision He has for us
• Get our hands dirty and serve
• See that God loves us and works with us
• Be the new creations that God has made us

Celebrate:

• We’re working with God to his plans
• That we have a place in his purposes
• The family (natural, church and spiritual)

Lord I thank you that from a list of names torn from a journal entry in Nehemiah, we can see that you are a God of order and of purpose. I thank you that you choose to use ordinary people just like us to humbly serve you and fulfil your purposes.  I appreciate that you call different people to different tasks, some specialist, some general but all are necessary to get the job done.  I thank you for my family, and the maturity and gifting I see in them as we serve you together. I pray for my leaders that they will continue to grow in humble stature and skills and continue the transition from doing all IN the church to working ON the church, establishing healthy growing teams where growth can be accelerated as we work together to build your church.