Being quiet

I’m quite a loudperson.  I don’t usually need a microphone to be heard in a room, I’m confident to speak to several or few (though I struggle to mingle in a crowd), and I usually have thought through (or can think through quickly) common subjects and discussion topics.  I like to think, enjoy a good debate (political, social or theological), engage with opinionated people who are iron to my iron regardless of view and I ask lots of questions and appreciate the answers.

I find being quiet really hard.  Listening for the still small voice is easier in the quiet than in the noise of an active mind. For me, to be quiet takes extraordinary amounts of effort and patience, and usually people who know me ask ‘what’s wrong’ because their perception is that it’s abnormal (for me).

All followers of Christ are charged with communicating the gospel of Christ, and living a life which displays his radiant glory (words & actions) yet also require humble service and quiet obedience. This dynamic is interesting to present when humble, quiet, obedient, service is by definition almost unnoticed and is certainly obfuscated by verbal communication and demonstrable conviction. I wonder about where blogging fits into the mix.  In many ways it’s a loud activity, communicating to any who stumble upon my musings, and perhaps it gives a glimpse into my heart or head for those with an eye to delve behind the words to the motivation for them.  But is the still small voice evident in the words? is it actually helpful to any cause? Is it quiet, humble, obedience too?

And what of the struggles with my marriage? Surely a man must first lead his household well? – Yet, even when that leading isn’t going to primary plan, does that mean for that season we’re totally useless to God, lest we become hypocrites, believing one thing and doing another?   If I can lose the way here where I have spent most effort, and invested so heavily, isn’t it all the more possible to lose the way in other areas? Shouldn’t that cause me to be silent for now?  - but if a gift is given surely it is to be used – not left unexercised?  It seems to me that if God is the same, yesterday today forever, and if his primary calling to us remains unchanged, and if we’re to be honest with each other as we do life together, then struggles alone do not disqualify us, and disqualifying ourselves only places ground into enemy hands.  We needed saving because we were sinful and we still need his spirit because we are weak. His strength is made perfect in weakness so perhaps I need to be all the more vocal of my own weakness so that He may be glorified in me?  Or have I misunderstood what Paul was talking about?

I need to find the quiet voice that leads the way. There are times I’ll need to be quiet to do that. But perhaps I also need to continue to be noisy in declaring who God is, the extent of his grace, the provision of the cross and the call to his kingdom?  I cannot fear man, what can they do to me? if they kill me, do I not still gain the prize? So death holds no barrier to action..  only my own stubbornness or embarrassment does?

I am thankful

Lord God, thank you for changing me so much and giving me an abundance of blessing. I am blessed to be counted in your house, part of those who will be with you forever in paradise, saved from the consequences of my own actions, redeemed by the blood of Christ which stained the cross in place of my sins, loved by the Father like the Son and led by the Spirit.  If that is the sum total of all that has been done for me, it would be enough already to be eternally thankful.

But your love continues to penetrate my stubborn heart…

…It softens me when I am cold to change, and proud or belligerent

Your spirit shows me where I have yet to repent, and receive forgiveness – not so that I can be ‘more saved’ but so that I can be more ‘free’.  I’m so sorry that I take inordinate time arguing over every small thing you ask of me, and that my own embarrassment or shame at my actions slows down my readiness to repent when it should be the opposite.  How patient you are with me!  and what a model of patience I have to follow to love others. Thank you.

I thank you that despite myself, I find myself still married, still privileged to father wonderful children, still employable, still trustworthy, still within your eternal purpose, still able to be useful to you, still loved, still cherished, still sung over, still delighted in, still chosen, still wanted.   Thank you. Thank you.

I am never alone, even when I feel so. That I choose not to remember you are with me always, doesn’t change that you are. That I ignore your quiet whisper or that I forget to meditate on your words when I’m afraid, hesitant or sinful doesn’t make any of your words less true or less powerful. How you must despair of me!  You have destroyed nations for less disobedience, yet you spare me time after time. How merciful you are!  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Is there anywhere I can go to escape you?  Is there some way that I could hide in obscurity where you couldn’t find me? Is there someway I can turn my back on what you have done for me and gain the penalty I truly deserve? Is there any future for me that is not inextricably conjoined with you? Is there some sin I can commit that will have you disown me?  Is there some hurt I can rend on your church that there would be no place for me among it? Is there some harm I can do to myself that would invalidate my sonship?   I have not found any.   Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Though I rebel and frustrate and fight and lose my way, you are faithful, and patient, merciful, enduring, steadfast, gracious, compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.  I am truly thankful to know you, and love you however imperfectly.   Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you God.

 

 

Psalm 103:8-10  

⁸ The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹ He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.
¹⁰ He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.

English Standard Version (ESV)

Marriage: Mark Driscoll

I’ve been a bit disappointed with Mark Driscoll's latest series on Marriage. 

Really Good bits:

It would be remiss of me to not mention right at the outset that there is much to be thankful to Mark for in this series: his head on tackling of the need to be friends, the openness about his journey with Grace, the emphasis on working through issues - not working a way out of the relationship, the Q&A sessions at the end of each sermon, having the book in advance to read and work through, and a complementarian view of the husband and wife dynamic within a Calvinist perspective.. not to mention making the sessions free online.

The sessions are set up to be very helpful. The intent is that as the particular component of a marriage relationship is examined corporately, sin is repented of, commitments are made and communion is shared between couples within the corporate meeting.   I suspect that it provides an opportunity to commit semi-publically to change tack whilst still preserving intimacy within a couple. As an example of corporate couples ministry it seems helpful.

Here’s where I find the problem:

In this weeks session – The respectful wife - if I was a woman I’d struggle to have heard any message other than ‘put up and shut up’, and it sounds a lot more like a description of a dominant/submissive set up than mutually submitting to one another as to Christ – which I don’t think he really means to communicate. I’m all for strong men, leading strongly, but we also need to stress that there’s a mutual belonging to each other, not (as Mark seems to espouse) that women are (property and) merely a husband’s ‘helper’.

And why chose ‘respect’ rather than ‘follow his lead’? I can imagine he didn’t want to use submission because its an emotive word and often misunderstood, but respect?  I agree with many of his observations, but it’s not ‘disrespectful’ for a wife not to submit to her husband but sinful! (just as it is sinful for him not to be submissive to her). Mark also suggests that it’s not a wife’s job to ‘love’ her husband, but isn’t submission all about ‘following the way of love’ (Eph 5:1)??  but Mark doesn’t mention this so can’t communicate his helps to women within the context of loving and mutually submitting to each other, and barely mentions that following his lead is first modelled by him as he follows Christ.

I can imagine that as this was one of Grace’s chapters in the book, and given Mark’s character, perhaps this was a big issue for them..  and it’s not that I disagree especially with the points he raised.. but how he presented the session leaves me uncomfortable.   Mark’s usual style of ‘I shout at you cos I love you’, and his presumptions that because (as he seems to see it) the baggage in his relationship with Grace was more from her than him (and ergo his presumption that this is the same for every other marriage) make it difficult to see how his advice to women to respect their husbands can be received open handed.   Often he doesn’t sound very gracious either, and though in the previous session he spoke with Men to realise their responsibilities and deal with their sin, I find myself being more offended by the delivery than the message and having to re-tread the ground later to try to hear the principle behind the smash and grab.

Personally:

I guess what I’m saying is that unlike several of his other series I will be very cautious about who I would recommend this series to, and especially cautious to recommend to anyone whose relationship is in a fragile place.  The writing in the book is a little softer though and perhaps it might be better to read his book and hear the whole discussion in context than attempt to follow in sessions.

Bending not breaking

Human beings are amazing creations capable of enormous acts of compassion, love and service. Our ability to chose to prefer others needs before our own seems to set us apart from other creations who appear to be driven mainly by more viceral objectives.

Yet, in acknowledging our freedom to chose how and who we are going to be one also has to accept that we (and others) may chose to be less than concerned with the plight of our fellow man and more focussed on our own wants or vulnerabilities. 

If I truly believe that my mind can be renewed so that I can understand what God's will is, and if I am convinced that along with being inseparable from the love of God there is also nothing to fear from man, why then would I allow any feeling to disable me from remaining vulnerable to others?

The question then seems not to be about whether or not other people will hurt me or indeed whether they have chosen to set aside selfish or destructive desires, but more where I chose to place the foundation of my security. If it is placed in relationships with other people, they will, eventually fail to remain pain free. If I put my security in my construct of who God is, that too will ultimately dissapoint since I am just as prone as any to shape God in my own image and have to regularly remind myself that His ways and thoughts are higher..  in the end then, the only place in which personal security can be found is in the God of the bible, the Jesus who saw the same sun from the perspective of an earth dweller and the Spirit who lives in me, works through me and goes before me.

Understanding this, and acting as if this were true are unfortunately two different things. I may understand that the fruit of the spirit that lives in me is a character of love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control, but my sometimes not so dead sinful self remains and intends to impose self, vengeance, misery, impatience, unkindness, harm and impulsive lashouts on anyone who offends me.   It does not escape me that my will can be easily bent in one direction or another, and I am thankful that so far I have not experienced a regression back to my sinful selfs obsessions sufficient to make it impossible to bend back towards responding to the conditioning of the spirit, and I'm thankful that the ability to chose to overrule a feeling with a decision to chose Christ and His ways is possible however much my vulnerable heart may wish to promote other outcomes. 

Is this ability to trump emotions with decisions unique to humans?   Is the ability to chose Christ when our inclination is to protect ourselves a demonstration of God's irresistible grace or recognition that it is only in the trinity of God that ultimate security can be found? I'm not sure I know the answer to that, but I know that bending is better than breaking. Breaking is what happens when I chose to not respond to the tenderness of the spirit, and brokeness is always repairable if I can get past myself to see how Christ sees and feels. 

The challenge then is not to ignore what I feel but to continually submit to the restored 'spirit within' design for human beings that the creator God fashioned in us, relating first with the security that God brings, before attempting to relate to the rest of the world he spoke into being.

Lord help me to get into my stubborn will the temperate nature of your Spirit's fruit. Make security in me not something that is based on any earthly person, yet help me extend grace, mercy, tenderness and love to those I encounter. Let me glimpse as much of my future home as I can stand and still be content to live here and may I be useful to you bearing whatever cost for the sake of your kingdom.     Your grace is enough, your mercy is new every morning. My grace and mercy needs to be the same towards others, help me with that.

When we come together

What is it that I expect when we gather for corporate praise and worship of God.  Do I expect songs and prayers? Contributions from the congregation?  Does it all have to be ‘on theme’?

http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/14-26.htm

Everyone has..

If this is true, why then don’t we make space for what everyone has… Have I prepared and thought about what I have to bring?  Or do I wait for last minute inspiration from the spirit?  Do I have a problem preparing to ‘lead’ by the spirit because I first don’t prepare myself?

A Hymn:

If one has a song, let him sing.  Does it matter if that song is a solo, or congregational?  Does it have to be in the language everyone understands, or can my soul just sing?  What if my heart song is different to others, in a different direction, can a place be found for that?

A Word of instruction:

I guess I expect the instruction from those with authority to preach. But is there room for others to teach?  How does the spirit inspire us to teach in a corporate setting?  How do I understand teaching to be ‘worship?’  Is the attitude of teaching one of humble service, or is it really only an attempt to encourage people to think my way, or draw attention to myself? How do I allow instructions to affect how I worship?  Am I open to responding differently to my natural inclination?

A revelation:

How is a revelation different to a word of instruction? How can revelations be incorporated into our meetings.. Do I need to say ‘Yes, I understand! The scales have been removed from my eyes and my heart is open to receive this truth or instruction I am hearing’.  Or do I need to share how the revelation changes how I will live differently?  What if I receive this revelation during the notices? Can I interrupt (as long as in an orderly way?) Or would we find it offensive if pennies dropped at different times and interrupted the flow of our co-ordinated, spirit led meeting? 

A Tongue:

Am I comfortable with tongues to edify God and ones to edify myself? those that build the church and those that speak only between ourselves and God?  Do I switch off when others bring tongues, because I don’t understand what they are saying, or am I open to the spirit to shape in me the context of their utterings?  How do I feel strengthened by a tongue?  Do I judge the speaker?  Are tongues only helpful during singing or praying? Should I expect my heart to respond to instruction or revelation with a tongue?

An interpretation:

Do I listen to the spirit for an understanding for myself? Do I feel confident to share what I understood?  Do I weigh what is presented, or give space to receive what is said?  What do I do if an interpretation seems radically different from what the spirit seemed to be saying to me?  Do I treat tongues and interpretations as authoritive?  Do I understand them to be God to us, or us to God?  What do I do with an interpretation that seems to be directive? 

To strengthen the church?

What is my motivation for participating? How is my participation both personal and corporate?  Does what I have to say, sing or bring move others towards God or away? How do I encourage someone who brings a contribution? Do I find the contributions others bring encouraging or distracting? Do I judge someone else’s contribution because it comes from a different place to where I am at, or what I want to say to God or others?  Do I recognise when I feel strengthened, or see the effects of the gathered church being strengthened?  Can I identify when a contribution has affected many of us? Am I open to be strengthened by others contributions or am I too defensive?  What does it say about my relationship with God if I remain silent ‘when we come together’? Do these contributions only have a place in our formal meeting, or should they be in evidence whenever 2 or 3 are gathered, perhaps over coffee? or walking to the car park with others?  How closed is my attitude to what’s appropriate, contemporary or relevant? Do I ensure that as a living stone, I have to play my part irrespective of my hearts state or feelings?

Please support #movember [and me too :) ]

Hello

You may not have heard about #Movember… it’s a month where men (and perhaps some very gifted ladies) grow a moustache (sans other facial hair) to raise vital funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically for prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men.  http://uk.movember.com/about/

I have signed up to do this, this year, and I hope to grow a rather fine specimen in the next 30 days..

To make this facial feat worthwhile, it would really help me if you would consider donating a small amount to my movember page, where I am hoping we’ll see great success in exceeding my £100 target.  Your small gift (gift aided too if you pay UK tax) could make a real difference to so many..

Here’s my page… http://uk.movember.com/mospace/1798016  just click the big DONATE button under my picture.. and check back regularly to see updates of my sproutings..

Thanks for your consideration

Rob

Getting the tension right

One of the things I find most difficult to get right is how to manage the work, home, life tension.  I’m fortunate in that I can work at home for the majority of time, but this often means that I blend home and work time and often home loses out.  Work is where we spend a lot of our energies and the bulk of our workdays,. making sure that work doesn’t encroach, but making sure I do a good job is tricky.  Add to that the need to spend time with friends and interact with people in our community and we can be stretched more ways than we can accommodate.

The principles that seem to be important here are :

• Try to listen as much to the Spirit as to people’s requests for time
• Don’t make promises I can’t keep
• Prioritise family over friends but be aware of strangers needs
• Ensure that rest isn’t sacrificed to activity
• Enjoy everything I do because our time is short

Love: Decision or Emotion?

 

Adrian Warnock suggests it is a decision.

Dale Krebbs argues it’s a decision and an emotion

So who is right?  Is there another view?

1. Does it matter as long as there are actions?
2. Does love proceed or precede the action? – to put it another way, can you ‘make love’ by acting loving towards people you don’t yet have feelings of love for?
3. Does our understanding of love work for all of love’s applications (romantic, brotherly, plutonic etc)
4. Does love grow or is it a feeling to be protected?
5. Does God choose to love (decision), or does he love (feeling)?