Waiting is always the hardest part

In what is now my 18th unfinished blog post, I am wondering if this one will actually find its way to the WWW, I guess if you’re reading this I have!

As I approach my 40th birthday, I find my life in a state of flux. My youngest is 4 years away from adult hood, my wife has refreshed her employment skills and is now looking for work, and it seems that everyone is looking to transition to a new phase in their life.

As for me, I seem a little stuck. – not the stuck that most ‘nearly 40 something's’ feel as they approach the mid-life crisis years, – I think I did that a couple of years ago! – but the distinct feeling I took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in a back alley.   I won’t bore you with the details of those things, because actually that’s not the reason for writing.. Instead I’ve been pondering the question of why it is that I find waiting so difficult…

Here’s how it works for me.

• I send an email, I expect a response in a reasonable period of time. Reasonable is a fluid period, but I suspect a response should be received within a couple of days.
• If I send a text message, I expect a response within the same day – After all, all sorts of things could have happened that might prevent the intended recipient to reply, such as not having their phone with them that day, or being in a place with no reception or has the phone switched off, but one would imagine that at some point during that day, the recipient would find time to reply.
• If I send an instant message to a person who is online, I expect a response rather quickly.. – I mean barring leaving IM on (which does happen a lot, actually) if I’m engaging in a conversation I expect a response no longer than a pee break.
• If I’m in a conversation with a person, face to face, I expect a response pretty much immediately. (again pee breaks accepted)

Perhaps your expectation isn’t too far away from this in respect of communications using various media. Such is my personality, that the longer the gap after the expected response period, the more paranoid I become that I’ve said something which was received poorly and my emotional hamster starts running wildly trying to work out what I could have said better, and whether my relationship with the recipient is damaged etc. It drives me nuts. Most often, something quite rational happened and they carry on oblivious to my angst, and the delay was nothing to do with me at all.

Now it’s not just in conversations that my emotional hamster gets all worked up.  If I’ve promoted an idea, asked someone for a decision on something, made an alteration to something then my anxiousness is the same. What will they think? Will they agree?  And if the result of their musing will mean a change for me, then my uncomfortability rises exponentially, because I really hate living in the end of a season space, where something is finishing and something else is starting..  Innovation always energises me, and having to finish something or having to wait to begin something is like just winding and winding an elastic band on a balsa wood plane propeller (actually much more like twisting a sachet of sauce in  Wetherspoon’s before it explodes).

And so it is with God too.. I generally don’t find God silent. Most of the time it seems easy to determine his will by reading, praying, thinking, strategizing and just making a decision to act and seeing how the spirit feels about that! – God loves a good decision maker and unless he has other ideas (which he seems to make known pretty quickly) He seems pretty intent on my life heading towards His destination by choosing whatever path seems right to me at the time. [ For instance, you want to live in a different place? Put your house on the market! If it sells and you find a place to move to you like, then it would seem good to you and the spirit, so move.  If you put your house on the market, and it doesn’t sell, then that seems a pretty good indication that this might not be the right time to be moving.. and therefore get on with your life.]

But there are other things that are not so easy to wait for.. life changing events, that make ‘getting on with your life’ quite difficult…  That period between putting your house on the market and waiting a period of time to see if it sells, for instance is a horrible place to be. [and how sweet the relief once the house sells or a decision made to come off the market] Or maybe it’s a change of job role, and you’re finishing off your old responsibilities and trying to get up to speed on new ones. Man that can be a difficult place. Pregnancy too, is a big one isn’t it.. the pensive state between not yet being with a new life, and yet, there it is, trapped in a woman’s belly!

But the biggest for me, is in breakthrough.  When God is seemly quite and weak. Where it seems that a decision is obvious but the timing isn’t right, or when it seems that you don’t know where to go or what to do. When you’re struggling through something and waiting for the end. When you’re struggling to get to somewhere and you’re helpless to bring about the change you need. When you simply don’t know what to choose between two seemingly attractive or catastrophic outcomes, and you’re just not sure which one to choose because it HAS to be A or B not both A and B. (like should we move to Australia say, and stay in England.. you can’t physically do both)  These are the most difficult places to be.. and perhaps where our emotional hamsters do the most roiling.  The what if’s come crashing like waves.. it’s difficult to plan, after all you don’t know what’s coming next, and there’s no comfort whatsoever in the  ‘take each day as it comes’ mantra that you whisper to your tortured soul.  It’s an intensely restless period, where peace and joy seems far from your lips and life, even the simple things (like managing freezer food) becomes a nightmare, life becomes painful, itchy and fragmented, relationships become tense or stupendously intimate as you both hold on and let go at the same time, and family tensions boil over into arguments, eggshell treading and lots of tears.

I hate these periods, and I’m thankful they don’t come often. Most of our life actually is quite controllable, and we can enjoy the benefits of planning and executing those plans, and dealing with any variations or course corrections as we go.  Minor alterations from a trajectory are easy to manage because you have momentum, and pretty much everyone is on the bus with you.

• So where you have seemingly difficult choices, but where they are in your power to make changes let me urge you.. just make a decision.  You’ll feel better once you have made a choice. It may be the right one, it may be the wrong one. – Maybe you just won’t know, but the paralysis of not making a choice, sitting on the fence forever or worse, trying to straddle both positions as they diverge will bring endless [avoidable] pain to your life.  Just decide and move on.  If God is seemingly quiet on the issue, perhaps he doesn’t actually mind which one you choose?  And won’t he bring ALL THINGS together for the good of those who love him? Romans 8 v 28
• Get on with your life. How often have you heard someone pray or prophesy using Jeremiah 29 v 11?  I wonder why they do that…  I think it’s a very unhelpful verse in the way it’s often applied, because it PREVENTS a person from making a decision, and REQUIRES someone else to tell them prophetically what to do. But the context in Jeremiah 29 isn’t wait on God till he tells you what to do AT ALL… in fact quite the opposite, take a look yourself… note the verses 4-9 a clear instruction to settle down, raise rugrats, eat and pray for your city to prosper.  then the kicker… v 10 WHEN you’ve been doing that for 70 years, THEN I’ll come to you and fulfill my promise BECAUSE [v11] I have plans to prosper you …  So God has a plan to prosper you, but work it out as you live your life.. don’t be paralysed waiting for God to speak, just decide what you want to do..  he’ll make it pretty clear if you’re stepping off plan.

And so with some certainty I feel I must pronounce that indecision is simply procrastination. It is a fear that we will choose wrong, which puts us in the same back alley that making a poor decision would put us in.. So you see, whether you make a bad decision, or no decision, this negative outcome is waiting for you…. The only way to attempt to avoid it is to actually make a decision… 

But if like me, you’ve made a couple of decisions and you’re now in the back alley you feared, there are still two choices!

1. live in the back alley, give up and wait for death, or
2. turn around and do something different. 

It is exceedingly rare that God will open up a secret compartment at the end of the alleyway, taking you into an as yet undiscovered life, of extraordinary wonder and fulfilment, instead we have to take responsibility for any poor decision we made that brought us here, stop blaming others (or God) for ‘leading us here’ and TURN AROUND and get out of the hole we’re in.   

The reason friends, that waiting is so unbearably difficult, is that we’re on a journey [aren’t we?] and waiting isn’t much part of getting to your destination. If we’re waiting we’re wasting time.  Waiting should be an active temporary thing (like going to a bus stop, waiting for the bus to arrive) not a passive thing (waiting at home hoping a bus would stop outside your house). Passive is procrastination again.  So if you’re not seeing breakthrough with something, chances are you haven’t made the decision (or followed through with the consequences of that decision (which is the same thing as not having made the decision at all)). 

So where does that leave me?  For the things I can decide, things that are within my power to change, things that ultimate affect my journey/trajectory or ultimately my destination, I can make [and follow through] a decision or two and end my discomfort. I may make the wrong decision, but a decision at least will have been made and I’ll have to rely on God (at the end of my three core years and ten) to bring about those plans and purposes he has for me to come good. For the things I’m waiting for others to decide, hopefully they’ll not drag out the difficulty for too long, noting that it is destabilising for them also to have these things hanging about undecided.   I’m not sure what a reasonable period of time is to wait for that… but I can’t imagine being in the dead zone for more than a month will produce a happy bunny, so I guess that’s the yardstick by which I’ll get very twitchy.. Finally, I can be hopeful that whatever I decided and whatever is decided for me, there is a future hope that all things will work together for good, so I needn’t worry about how many wrong decisions I make, or how blunderous my steps, I just need to worry about how I am leading myself and my family, in Christ.  And if waiting isn’t a passive thing, then I’ll wait for my end of days, by living my life for the glory of his name while there is breath in my body. In the end, isn’t that what we’re all called to do?

What, you thought your life was going to be easy?

You wouldn't face any hurdles, obstacles, challenges or difficulty? (John 16:33)  Isn't it for this reason we are to edify ourselves and speak in tongues regularly? (1 Cor 14:4-5) singing psalms and hymns to each other (Eph 5:19) - so we understand what God's will is? (Eph 5:17) And what of the armour of God? (Eph 6:10-18) Is that only for decoration?  

The harvest field won't reap itself (Luke 10:2) but the corn is ripe in the field (John 4:35), waiting for you to harvest it!  It'll be hard work, you'll sweat, your flesh will be torn and you'll suffer (Phil 1:29), but you'll rejoice in those sufferings (Rom 5:3) because it produces fruit in you of hope, peace and joy that will quieten your feelings and purify you (1 John 3:3). So get dressed and be ready for service (Luke 12:35), be obedient and humble (Phil 2:8), be thankful and pray continually (1 Thess 5:16-18) be kind, compassionate and forgiving (Col 3:12-17) do good to all (Gal 6:10)  and if you are to go on living in your body make sure your labour is fruitful (Phil 1:21-22) while you press on towards the prize (Phil 3:14)

Surely you know these things are true? - Don't waste time listening to the whispers of fear from your feelings whilst ignoring the shouts of life and encouragement from the pages of the bible and from the Spirit. Are you being a giant (Num 13:30) or seeing giants (Num 13:33)?  For nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37) and he chose you and predestined you according to his plan so you can live for the praise of His Glory. (Eph 1:11).

JUST DO IT  !

How do you read controversial books?

Thomas Stanley’s blog post has been twittered in the #lovewins stream because he suggests 5 tips for reading controversial books, and Rob Bell’s Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived specifically.  You can read his post here.

His five points are:

1. Chew the meat, spit the bones
2. Don’t discount the 2000 years of thought
3. Don’t believe it just because it’s Rob Bell. Don’t ignore it just because it’s Rob Bell
4. Use this book as an opportunity to deepen your perspective on this issue
5. Consider the larger perspective

I read the list yesterday and felt uneasy about it… but couldn’t quite figure out why… having had time to sleep and reflect, here’s some thoughts…
Assume for a moment that there was no controversy surrounding Bell's book, should the advice be the same?  I think it wouldn’t be and here’s why.

1) It’s the Holy Spirit’s Job to illuminate truth

What is the role of the Holy Spirit here?  If we approach a book simply with a subjective 'take what is good' approach, aren't we in danger of doing that with the Bible too?  wouldn’t the net effect be that the things we find difficult to understand/apply we would simply reject?
And how is someone to know what is good and what isn't?  Imagine for a moment that we're talking about a book on occultic practices. Now imagine that as part of that book there was a chapter on meditation and centering, which got you to breathe in a certain way, and open your mind to the possibility that what you know is real, isn't and that the consequence of spending time in this state would be a greater appreciation for your fellow man. Now image that book had been given to everyone in your christian community. Can you still take what is good?

2) Major Doctrines have been debated and decided already

Church history is littered with theological branches right back to 4AD.  There is some academic interest in reviewing the what and why's of these arguments, but isn't it preferable to start from a thorough knowledge of what is established doctine/statement of faith now?  Since Bell doesn't paint one, it's difficult to reflect backwards.  What the church suffers from is clarity of belief expressed in communicable action.

3) It’s the narrow gate that leads to life

I mainly agree here, but what concerns me isn’t that Rob Bell wrote this, it’s what it says or doesn’t say.    We don’t need more skeptics, we need more believers.. who can clearly communicate the loving Gospel.

4) Perspective isn’t it… it’s what you believe that matters.

• Scientific research suggests you start with a hypothesis which you rigorously try to disprove. Only when you can't disprove it do you consider it can be true and try to confirm it.  If you can both not disprove it, and reproducibly prove it, the probability of it being true increases.  
• Christian research however starts with a belief. That belief is by faith, built on your understanding of the bible, illuminated by the spirit, and experienced through relationship with the risen Christ.  

While we can approach some validations of scriptural truth scientifically, the key element required for ‘belief’ is faith. Faith needs to be built on what is dependable.  Perspective isn’t faith.

5) Perspective of what?

We can change the actions of christian culture where we have become lax in applying sound biblical doctrine. Certainly I could agree [with Bell] that we should be more loving and more serving in our dealings with people, and certainly less closed off to the world..  But when we’re talking about christian culture aren’t we really talking about ‘what the kingdom of God looks like?’  In that regard, shouldn’t that be based on dependable truth?  Such as we all have sinned, we all deserve punishment, that punishment is total permanent separation from God, But Christ who was fully God, fully perfect, took on himself the penalty of sin for us all as the sacrificial, substitutionary, atonement. In taking the punishment, He defeated death and enabled a restoration of relationship with God which, if we respond to his forgiveness, justice and mercy, enables us to enjoy that relationship with Him forever?  Isn’t that the Gospel that nearly all of us subscribe to who call ourselves part of the kingdom of God?  And isn’t it from that understanding that our hearts and our actions are compelled to live differently (if imperfectly)?  

Finally, I would not encourage new Christians to read any book that is not consistent with mainstream christianity and to be read ‘within’ the context of membership within a church community. There is a place and time for debate around issues and it's important to have that debate, but movement leaders need to be clear to be giving direction, straight answers to questions and being crystal clear on beliefs and conclusions.   The apostle Paul encourages us to 'have a reason for the hope we profess' and this reason shouldn't come from what you've read from Bell, McClaren, Piper, Keller, or the Daily Planet but should come from the Bible, illuminated by the Spirit.

Another battle of the mind

It can be frustrating attempting to lose weight especially when, like me, you have a lot to lose.  As an attempt to fix what seems like endless fatigue following unrefreshing sleep, I have embarked upon yet another diet and exercise regime [recommended by my medical practitioners] that is intended to bring my weight from “morbidly” obese into obese and increase my fitness from sedentary to mobile [and what I hope will be Marathon running ready before I’m 40!]

Having tried to comply with previous food regimes (and alcohol consumption) in the past without much gumption and then hardly surprisingly little success or change in my condition, I am finding that having attainable goals [London Marathon 2012] coupled with my desperation to fix this debilitation has produced an extraordinary level of commitment to the ‘program’ which has resulted in seeing a daily reduction of at least a Lb and sometimes two!

My overall calorie count is now between 1500 and 2000 a day and I am doing fat burning exercise which is reminding my body that I have legs, a stomach and arms, (all of which have slight aches and pains to remind me of effort undertaken in previous days).  My wife has joined me in the ‘plan’ (though I can’t imagine for a second the thought of running with me in the Marathon is anything she wants to entertain) and I have made my food, sleep, exercise and weight information fully accountable to her using a website (dailyburn.com) tool.

All good stuff.

Then today, mysteriously, for no good reason that I can see, I haven’t lost any additional weight.  I can imagine that 2 weeks in, this is exactly the same sort of thing that happens to people on diets and when they throw all caution to the wind, get cross and go back to doing what they did before… I find myself getting cross at the lack of progress, but I KNOW that I’m making progress towards my goals. SO I MUST NOT GIVE IN.  Shortly I’m going for my second run (walk, run, walk, run a bit more, walk to near my house, run the last bit) with the hope that I run more of it and walk less.  It’s only a 1 mile circuit, yet for me it’s an enormous task, a long way from my teenage years where I ran a marathon a day to run from London to Lancaster for ActionAid.

It reminds me that the battle for the mind is a daily, sometimes hourly requirement. We must not give in to the temptations and fightback that occurs when we choose to follow the way.  There will be days when it is a delight to work hard and find ready success (losing weight) and days when you do the same things and success does not come so readily. (not losing any weight). 

Discernment is in knowing when you need to change what you’re doing to find success and when you need to persist in what you’re doing to find breakthrough. 

I also need to ensure that I do not give myself to worrying over what I did or didn’t do differently, but instead focus on living right today. Continuing to account for everything that goes into my mouth and everything that I do with my body.

I’m taking some leave today, so that I can go to a regional meeting on Social action. it’ll be sitting down most of the time either travelling or listening. There’s higher risk of eating biscuits or cake – just because it’s there – and less opportunity to be as active. 

Taking leave from your activity does not justify taking leave from the plan.

No more than taking a holiday enables you to turn off being a Christian and please yourself. We are ALWAYS working for the kingdom of God even when we are rest, and we should still look to serve God and each other in what we call ‘our’ time off.

So I’m off now for my run, and whilst I pound the street I shall remind myself of possibly the best running song I know…

Be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you.
Be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you.
I am not afraid [No, NO!, NO!!]

I am not dismayed [Not me!]

Because I’m walking in faith and victory,
Come on and walk in faith and victory
For the Lord, your God, is with you.

Rob Bell, Theology & the battle for mindshare

I'm inclined to agree with Phil Whittle that trajectory isn't necessarily the best marker for indicating what most of us believe – given that far too many of us (me included) are far too influenced by the thoughts of others and not our own carefully thought out, researched position guided by the Holy Spirit?… but shouldn't leaders, particularly ones with lots of followers be especially careful to be consistent?

I think it's helpful for Rob Bell to ask questions about what we believe and why we believe it, as much as it is for all of us to have answers for the hope we profess, and if it drives our church leaders to be more explicit on areas of theology especially ones that we are generally quiet about, then it's net effect can only be good for our congregations too...

But I also have some regard to Matt Hosier’s understanding of trajectory. Mark Driscoll suggests that he wouldn't have some people in his pulpit, because he sees that a principle responsibility of a shepherd is to 'protect' the flock. In that regard I too don't encourage the use of Rob Bell material in our congregation and would be cautious in who I encourage to use or read his material because the conclusions that I draw from his teaching to date do lead to spirituality over relationship and ultimately universalism.

One final thought. There are hundreds of pages written everyday that tout theologies that are different to mine. We don’t generally come into contact with them regularly and neither do our congregations.  Perhaps, in giving media space to Rob Bell’s forthcoming book, we are giving it prominence that might give reason for some to select his book to see what the fuss is all about.  In that regard, maybe we are just as guilty of causing others to stumble?

Power Cuts

This morning we’ve experienced two power cuts.

I like many of you I suspect, use a laptop and so the first I know of a power cut was when I come to send an email or post a blog and find the broadband connection is down.

Now my laptop functions perfectly well without a connection to the internet. It can compute things, write things down and remember them, it can display information it has remembered and function pretty well.  It even has it’s own source of power so that it can work without being plugged in to the mains and it will continue to work like that for as long as the battery lasts.

The battery will last a long time if I put the computer in sleep mode.  Because I’m not asking the computer to do anything, it draws very little power.  If I use the laptop and turn down the brightness of the screen and change the power settings to idle when I’m not using it for a couple of minutes, I could expect the battery to last quite a long while.  But if I use it normally, the battery will last only a few hours and then it will turn off.  A computer without power is useless to me. It becomes a paperweight at best and a barrier to completing my work tasks for the day.

Even if I conserved it’s power, there’s only so long that I can be effective in my job without it. Sooner or later I’d need to check a system or send/receive an email, look over new work requests in our call management system or call someone on my voip phone. All of these things require a communications connection, and that connection needs power to work!

It struck me that I can sometimes be like a laptop disconnected from power.  I can function, but can only recall knowledge I already know. I can work things out, but without the benefit of Godly direction and I can serve but my reserves of energy are quickly depleted. It is important to remain plugged in to the triune God.  This is not to say that he ‘leaves us’ once we are His, but rather that we choose to ignore or work with our relationship in place (a bit like when I choose to ignore the satnav’s directions or say yes and no in what I hope are the right places in a conversation with my wife when I really want to be doing something else)..  Sooner or later (usually sooner) I recognise that I’ve become unplugged and I need to reconnect with God. I need to seek his spirit and his direction, I need to be thankful and cognisant of his salvation, his grace and his mercy. I need the refresh of the Spirit’s power, I need to draw from God’s love and tenderness, I need to confront the sin that so easily entangles and find the forgiveness of the father.

Lord, thank you for your steadfastness which goes on and on and on. There is nowhere I can run from you, and no place that I can hide. Thank you for your voice that remains speaking if only I will listen. Forgive me when I think my ways are better than yours or when I go off like a bull in a china shop and drain my resources faster than you provide them because I’m not doing what you say. Thank you that you restore me when I fail. Thank you for your power that works in me to fulfil your purposes.

Check Out Rick Warrens book: GODS POWER TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE (Living with Purpose) for ways of staying plugged in and making a difference to your life

When faith and hope matters

The most waged and bloody war is not on land, sea or air, but in the minds of those whose heart is set for Christ.  Not only do we need to contend with NOT worrying about material possessions, the plight of those we love, or the progress of our sporting heroes, but we need to concern ourselves with pressing on towards the goal of maturity in Christ.

This is no easy task.

The massive effort and the casualty to peace and contentment often encourage would be followers to abort their offensive into living in truth and settle for the quieter pastures of apathy, compromise, ambiguity and insecurity- at least (we reason) the only person we are hurting by this course of action is ourselves, and since we’re saved, the damage is momentary considering our final destination.

But if we were truly alive to the impact our lives can have for Christ NOW, perhaps we would see that the damage is far more widespread than the effect on the path of our existence. Those people who encounter us from a distance may not see Christ in our actions or conversation, those who know us well may judge us (and our faith and he that enables us) by our actions and prejudice and wavering resolve to do what all good Christians do. We may injure the attempt of those struggling to persevere by seemingly to flit through life without a care (when really we’re just hiding from reality) and we devalue the success those who have overcome and triumphed in their adversity and environment to stand for God (as if they were misguided, misinformed or mistakenly radicalised)

Some of us think that because God hasn’t perhaps called us for great things, it doesn’t matter if we don’t win the battle for our minds. It doesn’t matter if we never put in place the dedication to the word of God, or the dwelling of his spirit or the walking in the light or the speaking of the truth. We’re not called (we might say) to lead a movement, a church, a group or a family. all we have to be responsible for is our little corner of the world and does it really make all that difference if we don’t manage to make it. – besides – if I have to make it, isn’t that just an unbelievable pressure for someone who is supposed to be made righteous by the grace of God alone?

To which I would say. God knows.  He knows that he has made us righteous, and He knows what he calls us to be.

He knows that we are often weak and foolish. He knows what it is like to be tempted and to struggle. He knows what needs to be done to commune with God the father and follow his will. He knows when you are beaten by a struggle or beaten by your bed. He knows what you can accomplish if you would only attempt to live in the light of what you already know to be true (not worrying about what it is you don’t know). He knows that the secret sins you hide from the world sit as a cancour deep in your spirit, He knows that you hide him also from the world for fear, for embarrassment, for security, for no good reason. He knows that you can do more than you can ask or imagine, if only you will put your hope, trust and faith in Him.

Our perspective then is the problem. We see ourselves before we see Jesus. We see the problem not the solution. We see our failings not His success. We see difficulty and fear, yet Jesus brings hope and salvation and applies it through us.

We can make an excuse, we can cover ourselves with mitigation, we can hide in our circumstance, we can quake with fear – but those who God has called he also enables. Those whose names are written in the book of life are those who call Jesus ‘Saviour’ and LORD. If he is our lord, then aren’t we as loyal subjects to fight for his cause, and to give our life if that is what is required to bring glory to him?

You may think you might die in the struggle, – but most likely you will not. God calls very few to die for him (except to die to self – to which he calls each one of us). If only we will think less of ourselves and more of him. I’m sure if we could only see the immediate effect of our inaction and stamina on those around us and on the heart of Christ we would attend to our thoughts and actions with more vigour. But alas that too is in the mind for us to choose to look with the eyes of the spirit on the faces on those we profess to love and see the damage we cause them.

May God forgive us.