I am thankful

Lord God, thank you for changing me so much and giving me an abundance of blessing. I am blessed to be counted in your house, part of those who will be with you forever in paradise, saved from the consequences of my own actions, redeemed by the blood of Christ which stained the cross in place of my sins, loved by the Father like the Son and led by the Spirit.  If that is the sum total of all that has been done for me, it would be enough already to be eternally thankful.

But your love continues to penetrate my stubborn heart…

…It softens me when I am cold to change, and proud or belligerent

Your spirit shows me where I have yet to repent, and receive forgiveness – not so that I can be ‘more saved’ but so that I can be more ‘free’.  I’m so sorry that I take inordinate time arguing over every small thing you ask of me, and that my own embarrassment or shame at my actions slows down my readiness to repent when it should be the opposite.  How patient you are with me!  and what a model of patience I have to follow to love others. Thank you.

I thank you that despite myself, I find myself still married, still privileged to father wonderful children, still employable, still trustworthy, still within your eternal purpose, still able to be useful to you, still loved, still cherished, still sung over, still delighted in, still chosen, still wanted.   Thank you. Thank you.

I am never alone, even when I feel so. That I choose not to remember you are with me always, doesn’t change that you are. That I ignore your quiet whisper or that I forget to meditate on your words when I’m afraid, hesitant or sinful doesn’t make any of your words less true or less powerful. How you must despair of me!  You have destroyed nations for less disobedience, yet you spare me time after time. How merciful you are!  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Is there anywhere I can go to escape you?  Is there some way that I could hide in obscurity where you couldn’t find me? Is there someway I can turn my back on what you have done for me and gain the penalty I truly deserve? Is there any future for me that is not inextricably conjoined with you? Is there some sin I can commit that will have you disown me?  Is there some hurt I can rend on your church that there would be no place for me among it? Is there some harm I can do to myself that would invalidate my sonship?   I have not found any.   Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Though I rebel and frustrate and fight and lose my way, you are faithful, and patient, merciful, enduring, steadfast, gracious, compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.  I am truly thankful to know you, and love you however imperfectly.   Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you God.

 

 

Psalm 103:8-10  

⁸ The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹ He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.
¹⁰ He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.

English Standard Version (ESV)

Je ne regrette rien?

For nearly all my life I’ve held pretty fast to the claim that there is little I regret because the sum of all experiences good and bad have created the person I am.  How we handle success and failure, pain and the pain we cause others, construction and destruction informs us greatly about who we are, what makes us tick and what we think about ourselves (and others!) but I’ve been rethinking this of late.

It occurs to me that:

1. Forgiving and forgiveness cannot happen if you don’t believe that there is anything that you need to be forgiven or indeed that you may be sorry for. 
2. Bitterness is the outcome of lack of forgiveness and that leads to stubbornness – neither seems to be in the list of fruits of the spirit
3. There are definitely things that I regret.

What, you thought your life was going to be easy?

You wouldn't face any hurdles, obstacles, challenges or difficulty? (John 16:33)  Isn't it for this reason we are to edify ourselves and speak in tongues regularly? (1 Cor 14:4-5) singing psalms and hymns to each other (Eph 5:19) - so we understand what God's will is? (Eph 5:17) And what of the armour of God? (Eph 6:10-18) Is that only for decoration?  

The harvest field won't reap itself (Luke 10:2) but the corn is ripe in the field (John 4:35), waiting for you to harvest it!  It'll be hard work, you'll sweat, your flesh will be torn and you'll suffer (Phil 1:29), but you'll rejoice in those sufferings (Rom 5:3) because it produces fruit in you of hope, peace and joy that will quieten your feelings and purify you (1 John 3:3). So get dressed and be ready for service (Luke 12:35), be obedient and humble (Phil 2:8), be thankful and pray continually (1 Thess 5:16-18) be kind, compassionate and forgiving (Col 3:12-17) do good to all (Gal 6:10)  and if you are to go on living in your body make sure your labour is fruitful (Phil 1:21-22) while you press on towards the prize (Phil 3:14)

Surely you know these things are true? - Don't waste time listening to the whispers of fear from your feelings whilst ignoring the shouts of life and encouragement from the pages of the bible and from the Spirit. Are you being a giant (Num 13:30) or seeing giants (Num 13:33)?  For nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37) and he chose you and predestined you according to his plan so you can live for the praise of His Glory. (Eph 1:11).

JUST DO IT  !

Marriage: Mark Driscoll

I’ve been a bit disappointed with Mark Driscoll's latest series on Marriage. 

Really Good bits:

It would be remiss of me to not mention right at the outset that there is much to be thankful to Mark for in this series: his head on tackling of the need to be friends, the openness about his journey with Grace, the emphasis on working through issues - not working a way out of the relationship, the Q&A sessions at the end of each sermon, having the book in advance to read and work through, and a complementarian view of the husband and wife dynamic within a Calvinist perspective.. not to mention making the sessions free online.

The sessions are set up to be very helpful. The intent is that as the particular component of a marriage relationship is examined corporately, sin is repented of, commitments are made and communion is shared between couples within the corporate meeting.   I suspect that it provides an opportunity to commit semi-publically to change tack whilst still preserving intimacy within a couple. As an example of corporate couples ministry it seems helpful.

Here’s where I find the problem:

In this weeks session – The respectful wife - if I was a woman I’d struggle to have heard any message other than ‘put up and shut up’, and it sounds a lot more like a description of a dominant/submissive set up than mutually submitting to one another as to Christ – which I don’t think he really means to communicate. I’m all for strong men, leading strongly, but we also need to stress that there’s a mutual belonging to each other, not (as Mark seems to espouse) that women are (property and) merely a husband’s ‘helper’.

And why chose ‘respect’ rather than ‘follow his lead’? I can imagine he didn’t want to use submission because its an emotive word and often misunderstood, but respect?  I agree with many of his observations, but it’s not ‘disrespectful’ for a wife not to submit to her husband but sinful! (just as it is sinful for him not to be submissive to her). Mark also suggests that it’s not a wife’s job to ‘love’ her husband, but isn’t submission all about ‘following the way of love’ (Eph 5:1)??  but Mark doesn’t mention this so can’t communicate his helps to women within the context of loving and mutually submitting to each other, and barely mentions that following his lead is first modelled by him as he follows Christ.

I can imagine that as this was one of Grace’s chapters in the book, and given Mark’s character, perhaps this was a big issue for them..  and it’s not that I disagree especially with the points he raised.. but how he presented the session leaves me uncomfortable.   Mark’s usual style of ‘I shout at you cos I love you’, and his presumptions that because (as he seems to see it) the baggage in his relationship with Grace was more from her than him (and ergo his presumption that this is the same for every other marriage) make it difficult to see how his advice to women to respect their husbands can be received open handed.   Often he doesn’t sound very gracious either, and though in the previous session he spoke with Men to realise their responsibilities and deal with their sin, I find myself being more offended by the delivery than the message and having to re-tread the ground later to try to hear the principle behind the smash and grab.

Personally:

I guess what I’m saying is that unlike several of his other series I will be very cautious about who I would recommend this series to, and especially cautious to recommend to anyone whose relationship is in a fragile place.  The writing in the book is a little softer though and perhaps it might be better to read his book and hear the whole discussion in context than attempt to follow in sessions.

Protecting our children

I watched the BBC documentary series Protecting our Children with some very mixed feelings about the program..   Why is it even called protecting our children, surely this is the wrong message and sets social workers against parents from the get go?  Isn’t this issue more about how we raise children?

The program stirred in me some very big questions...  Where is the extended family? What friends are helping to support them? Toby is likely to spend his entire childhood in foster care - how is that really better? How does a social worker help struggling parents by giving them a 'plan?'.  What care was there for Tiffany once her children were in care?  Mike clearly has some developmental issues of his own - how was he supported?   Did Tiffany love her children - I think she did..   and if she was making progress (as seemed evident) how can it be that she then 8 months later came to a decision that giving them up was better for them - or indeed for her?  I really hope this was nothing to do with 'CLASS' or 'ECONOMICS!'...  Suzanne's admission is she 'hoped' life would be better for Toby, but what checks are in place to make sure they are? 

It is distressing that there are so many people in our nation who really struggle to care for themselves (basic care) let alone care for others..  As a society and individually don’t we need to take a good hard look at ourselves and ask why that is?    If all we do is get upset, tutt and wonder how this could happen and yet drive past people who are clearly struggling without becoming their friend and coming alongside them, supporting, loving then shame on us.   Let us be better than this.   Social workers do a very difficult job, made more difficult because the rest of us often think caring for others is someone else's job.  They can only do so much, and are limited in what they are 'allowed' to do.  I'm glad they bought him a bed, but couldn't they have ensured it was set up?  Isn’t that something though that a friend could do? Surely, it's practical help and emotional support that people need, and that is often treated with suspicion when offered by social workers because the threat is 'do what I say or lose your kid'..    those without the power to remove kids, people like you and me, need to step up to love the parents, help them learn what to do without making them a mini-project, without talking down or judging them, and without taking over.   Let's use our anger, our distress and our new-found awareness to make a real difference this year to the lives of families, not just children in difficult or dangerous situations. 

Bending not breaking

Human beings are amazing creations capable of enormous acts of compassion, love and service. Our ability to chose to prefer others needs before our own seems to set us apart from other creations who appear to be driven mainly by more viceral objectives.

Yet, in acknowledging our freedom to chose how and who we are going to be one also has to accept that we (and others) may chose to be less than concerned with the plight of our fellow man and more focussed on our own wants or vulnerabilities. 

If I truly believe that my mind can be renewed so that I can understand what God's will is, and if I am convinced that along with being inseparable from the love of God there is also nothing to fear from man, why then would I allow any feeling to disable me from remaining vulnerable to others?

The question then seems not to be about whether or not other people will hurt me or indeed whether they have chosen to set aside selfish or destructive desires, but more where I chose to place the foundation of my security. If it is placed in relationships with other people, they will, eventually fail to remain pain free. If I put my security in my construct of who God is, that too will ultimately dissapoint since I am just as prone as any to shape God in my own image and have to regularly remind myself that His ways and thoughts are higher..  in the end then, the only place in which personal security can be found is in the God of the bible, the Jesus who saw the same sun from the perspective of an earth dweller and the Spirit who lives in me, works through me and goes before me.

Understanding this, and acting as if this were true are unfortunately two different things. I may understand that the fruit of the spirit that lives in me is a character of love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control, but my sometimes not so dead sinful self remains and intends to impose self, vengeance, misery, impatience, unkindness, harm and impulsive lashouts on anyone who offends me.   It does not escape me that my will can be easily bent in one direction or another, and I am thankful that so far I have not experienced a regression back to my sinful selfs obsessions sufficient to make it impossible to bend back towards responding to the conditioning of the spirit, and I'm thankful that the ability to chose to overrule a feeling with a decision to chose Christ and His ways is possible however much my vulnerable heart may wish to promote other outcomes. 

Is this ability to trump emotions with decisions unique to humans?   Is the ability to chose Christ when our inclination is to protect ourselves a demonstration of God's irresistible grace or recognition that it is only in the trinity of God that ultimate security can be found? I'm not sure I know the answer to that, but I know that bending is better than breaking. Breaking is what happens when I chose to not respond to the tenderness of the spirit, and brokeness is always repairable if I can get past myself to see how Christ sees and feels. 

The challenge then is not to ignore what I feel but to continually submit to the restored 'spirit within' design for human beings that the creator God fashioned in us, relating first with the security that God brings, before attempting to relate to the rest of the world he spoke into being.

Lord help me to get into my stubborn will the temperate nature of your Spirit's fruit. Make security in me not something that is based on any earthly person, yet help me extend grace, mercy, tenderness and love to those I encounter. Let me glimpse as much of my future home as I can stand and still be content to live here and may I be useful to you bearing whatever cost for the sake of your kingdom.     Your grace is enough, your mercy is new every morning. My grace and mercy needs to be the same towards others, help me with that.

When we come together

What is it that I expect when we gather for corporate praise and worship of God.  Do I expect songs and prayers? Contributions from the congregation?  Does it all have to be ‘on theme’?

http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/14-26.htm

Everyone has..

If this is true, why then don’t we make space for what everyone has… Have I prepared and thought about what I have to bring?  Or do I wait for last minute inspiration from the spirit?  Do I have a problem preparing to ‘lead’ by the spirit because I first don’t prepare myself?

A Hymn:

If one has a song, let him sing.  Does it matter if that song is a solo, or congregational?  Does it have to be in the language everyone understands, or can my soul just sing?  What if my heart song is different to others, in a different direction, can a place be found for that?

A Word of instruction:

I guess I expect the instruction from those with authority to preach. But is there room for others to teach?  How does the spirit inspire us to teach in a corporate setting?  How do I understand teaching to be ‘worship?’  Is the attitude of teaching one of humble service, or is it really only an attempt to encourage people to think my way, or draw attention to myself? How do I allow instructions to affect how I worship?  Am I open to responding differently to my natural inclination?

A revelation:

How is a revelation different to a word of instruction? How can revelations be incorporated into our meetings.. Do I need to say ‘Yes, I understand! The scales have been removed from my eyes and my heart is open to receive this truth or instruction I am hearing’.  Or do I need to share how the revelation changes how I will live differently?  What if I receive this revelation during the notices? Can I interrupt (as long as in an orderly way?) Or would we find it offensive if pennies dropped at different times and interrupted the flow of our co-ordinated, spirit led meeting? 

A Tongue:

Am I comfortable with tongues to edify God and ones to edify myself? those that build the church and those that speak only between ourselves and God?  Do I switch off when others bring tongues, because I don’t understand what they are saying, or am I open to the spirit to shape in me the context of their utterings?  How do I feel strengthened by a tongue?  Do I judge the speaker?  Are tongues only helpful during singing or praying? Should I expect my heart to respond to instruction or revelation with a tongue?

An interpretation:

Do I listen to the spirit for an understanding for myself? Do I feel confident to share what I understood?  Do I weigh what is presented, or give space to receive what is said?  What do I do if an interpretation seems radically different from what the spirit seemed to be saying to me?  Do I treat tongues and interpretations as authoritive?  Do I understand them to be God to us, or us to God?  What do I do with an interpretation that seems to be directive? 

To strengthen the church?

What is my motivation for participating? How is my participation both personal and corporate?  Does what I have to say, sing or bring move others towards God or away? How do I encourage someone who brings a contribution? Do I find the contributions others bring encouraging or distracting? Do I judge someone else’s contribution because it comes from a different place to where I am at, or what I want to say to God or others?  Do I recognise when I feel strengthened, or see the effects of the gathered church being strengthened?  Can I identify when a contribution has affected many of us? Am I open to be strengthened by others contributions or am I too defensive?  What does it say about my relationship with God if I remain silent ‘when we come together’? Do these contributions only have a place in our formal meeting, or should they be in evidence whenever 2 or 3 are gathered, perhaps over coffee? or walking to the car park with others?  How closed is my attitude to what’s appropriate, contemporary or relevant? Do I ensure that as a living stone, I have to play my part irrespective of my hearts state or feelings?

Please support #movember [and me too :) ]

Hello

You may not have heard about #Movember… it’s a month where men (and perhaps some very gifted ladies) grow a moustache (sans other facial hair) to raise vital funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically for prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men.  http://uk.movember.com/about/

I have signed up to do this, this year, and I hope to grow a rather fine specimen in the next 30 days..

To make this facial feat worthwhile, it would really help me if you would consider donating a small amount to my movember page, where I am hoping we’ll see great success in exceeding my £100 target.  Your small gift (gift aided too if you pay UK tax) could make a real difference to so many..

Here’s my page… http://uk.movember.com/mospace/1798016  just click the big DONATE button under my picture.. and check back regularly to see updates of my sproutings..

Thanks for your consideration

Rob

Getting the tension right

One of the things I find most difficult to get right is how to manage the work, home, life tension.  I’m fortunate in that I can work at home for the majority of time, but this often means that I blend home and work time and often home loses out.  Work is where we spend a lot of our energies and the bulk of our workdays,. making sure that work doesn’t encroach, but making sure I do a good job is tricky.  Add to that the need to spend time with friends and interact with people in our community and we can be stretched more ways than we can accommodate.

The principles that seem to be important here are :

• Try to listen as much to the Spirit as to people’s requests for time
• Don’t make promises I can’t keep
• Prioritise family over friends but be aware of strangers needs
• Ensure that rest isn’t sacrificed to activity
• Enjoy everything I do because our time is short

Read this, it’ll do you good

Honesty, they say, is good for the soul.

I was really encouraged reading this… how I passed my Alevels but failed at life

 

Take a look for yourself..

I don’t believe in Social Action

Too often social action is described as a project to meet a need.  Some projects and organisation to meet objectives are really helpful, important and necessary, but the poor and needy are not projects to be managed, they are people we are to love and be responsible for.   We cannot, we mustn’t think that because we’re involved in a socially minded project we have fulfilled our obligation to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, heal the sick.  Instead I believe a better terminology would be social responsibility.   It means being aware that our neighbours and strangers we meet have needs, and that we are responsible for meeting those needs. It is to our homes that we are to welcome the stranger, to our table the hungry to be fed, to our wardrobe that the naked are clothed, from our businesses the poor find employment.

If we are blessed with a place to rest our head, with food in our cupboards, with clothes on our back, with employment to earn a living we must not hold it only to ourselves. There is much good that can come from employment and having possessions to share, but we must not become consumed with self advancement or only benefitting our family or our friends. We must walk with eyes open to see where the needs are among our communities.  Galations 6:10 says that ‘as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people…. that doesn’t sound like a project environment to me, instead isn’t it a readiness to respond to needs as we discover them.  What then do we need to do differently to be in a responsive position?  Perhaps it might be that we purchase extra food so that we can bless our poorer neighbour (do we really need a food bank to do this? – though again they can really help) it may be that we cut the grass for all of our neighbours. Maybe we take out all the bins. Maybe that we take people shopping or offer to do laundry.  Maybe we look after people’s children so they can go to work? Maybe we help them organise their money?   Whatever the needs are around us, the peril for not responding is clear…  Ezekiel 16:49 tells us that The sin of Sodom was that they were proud, well fed and comfortable but “did not help the poor and needy”..    I hope I can become more socially responsible!

Love: Decision or Emotion?

 

Adrian Warnock suggests it is a decision.

Dale Krebbs argues it’s a decision and an emotion

So who is right?  Is there another view?

1. Does it matter as long as there are actions?
2. Does love proceed or precede the action? – to put it another way, can you ‘make love’ by acting loving towards people you don’t yet have feelings of love for?
3. Does our understanding of love work for all of love’s applications (romantic, brotherly, plutonic etc)
4. Does love grow or is it a feeling to be protected?
5. Does God choose to love (decision), or does he love (feeling)?

Changing roles of marriage and sex

 

The variety of ways our society adapts marriage to accommodate different outlooks and desires is as complicated as it is numerous.   I came across a diagram by Franklin Veaux that perhaps exemplifies some of the more common approaches that we might discover if we are to probe beyond the venear of ‘married’ sorts to see what lies beneath.

 Click here to open a very large version of the Map, with labels.

 

Many of the people who are involved in so called alternative lifestyles  often describe themselves as ‘spiritual’ and are therefore prime candidates for us to introduce to the ‘God they don’t yet know’. But for many, their sexual identity is as important to them as their spirituality and many of us will struggle to get beyond our feelings about their sexual lifes to see the person with spiritual needs beneath.

There are (or should be) many similarities between people who are living any sort of radical life, so we should be able to find a great deal of common ground on which to open conversations

For instance:

• Communication, Forgiveness, honesty are integral to sharing and being open.
• Community [‘belonging'] and acceptance [common ground] is shared between many people who practice similar lifestyle choices
• These relationships take a great deal of work to keep together (just like any marriage)

however, many Christians will struggle to deprogram their judgement that sex outside of marriage is wrong sufficient to enable any such dialogue to open up easily.  It is quite natural for those in these lifestyles to feel ‘different’, ‘outside’ of our expectations (the very term alternative suggests not ‘mainstream/normal/acceptable’ to many…) and the challenge to us is to know how to be loving towards these very different yet searching people.

People not projects:

I think one of the reasons we struggle is because we can’t projectise reaching these communities.  It’s hard to imagine church missionaries going into swinging clubs, disrobing and attempting to get on ‘their level’.  While we can meet prostitutes on the streets as they go about their work without being one, we can’t very well turn up at a couples home pronounce our judgement and then expect them to listen to us telling them how they should be living their lives.  So clearly designing a project to tackle the problem is NOT going to work.

But relationship evangelism, seeing a person and loving them… could that work?

If we can see people as people ‘not projects’ or ‘unsaved’ then we have an ability to love them.   What we would perhaps naturally do with our friends, we would be able to naturally do with people who are different to us.. ? As with all our neighbours, it starts with starting to talk.. Say hello. Invite them for coffee, talk about your life, talk about theirs. Don’t condemn, judge or give opinions. Listen and understand what their life is like. What makes them tick. What’s important to them. Talk about what’s important to you. Find common ground.

If someone were to come to our church meetings, we will need to be more careful.  Pastors and welcomers have a supremely important job to protect people under their care.  That care can be temporary (for the time they are in the building) or extend towards offering services (counselling, practical help) and SHOULD include keeping at bay well meaning but ungracious/unskilled people.  It will have taken amazing amounts of courage or a significant need to cajole someone so obviously different in lifestyle to walk through our doors, and the way we approach them should not be left to chance.

People who are naturally good at making friends should be introduced especially if there are things in common such as employment type, children, geographic location or history. But their remit should be specifically to grow freindship, not to counsel.

simplicity & finances

It’s often hard to unplug the competitive nature of keeping up with the Jones’s.  Certainly my house doesn’t look the same as it did 15 years ago, because I’ve ‘improved’ it in part to make the interior space work for my burgeoning family, and in part to tie all the parts of the house together in a uniform colour scheme with at least some matching furniture…   But do I really need my sofa’s to match?

I am often struck by the want to acquire.  I work with technology, and that often drives me to inquire about latest gadgets. I like them but the reality is I don’t need any of them.  So I have held off getting an ipad. (though I do have a much cheaper epad – but I barely use it because I mainly use my phone (when I’m out of the office) and my laptop when I’m in the office).  I do like reading on the e-pad though..

But I don’t have a massive TV, it can’t support 3D or HD.  I just have a computer monitor connected to Virgin Media via a media box. it works fine.

I drive old cars because frankly, I prefer having to ‘drive’ rather than point and steer and there’s something truly satisfying about conversations with (mainly older) people that strike up because they once had one or haven’t seen one of those for ages… such contact points in my travels are really welcome respite from mundane isolation.

But I am a long way from being anywhere near where I think I should be in respect of recycling, simplicity, generosity and sustainability.  It’s very tough to make the decisions that will substantially change the way you live in the ‘modern’ world.  It’s even more difficult when you can so easily observe that very few others give such considerations any space in their technology obsessed lives.   Now don’t get me wrong, technology is all around us and we couldn’t actually run life today without electricity, transport, washing machines etc..  and it’s not technology that is bad, but our relationship with it is really worthy of examination.

Anyone can make any excuse for possessing anything.  This is an absolute fact.  Whatever you want to have, you can justify purchasing if only to yourself. Let others judge you (they will) on your purchasing decisions. They will also determine how much money you have (or have borrowed) and they will also make a judgement about what sort of person you are because of what you have spent your funds on.  20 years or so ago I remember judging one fellow I was acquainted with because he chose only to have one pair of shoes.  He would wear the same pair of shoes no matter what outfit (he only a two or three of these anyway) and frankly I thought he looked scruffy and was ill advised.  yet was he living more simply than I?  In Jeff Goldblum’s version of the fly, his clothes cupboard was complete with several outfits of identical nature. Is that really more simple? Both can be easily justified. Which one is right?

Reading the god first blog today, there are some refreshing principles from Celebration of Discipline that may help us to remedy this conundrum.  Let me suggest you hop over there and read the 9 bullet items and see what you think… http://www.godfirstblog.com/2011/06/the-discipline-of-simplicity-richard-foster/

I’d be interested to know your thoughts on the matter..