the more I know the less I know

I've been a christian for nearly 30 years.

Man and boy, except for a 2 year period in my early 20's when I lost my way, I have been following Christ, his teaching, his example, his calling for my entire life.

From an early age, I felt the weight of his calling and have prepared myself to follow him exclusively in everything.

Have I achieved it? - No.

Do I think it's even possible? - No.

Why?

If we were able to be perfect, then I would think the need for Jesus would evaporate. - we would be able to attain relationship with almighty God on our own merit.

Even though we are saved, have a new heart, a new 'magnetism' towards God rather than towards sin, it is still impossible for us to be perfect. So whilst I attempt to follow him in everything, the reality is there are areas (consiously or not) that I am going my own pig headed way, and when 'I ' choose something rather than 'waiting on the spirit' for direction.

Now you might think that this is a dangerous thing to admit. But it seems to me that God doesn't want us 'independent' from him. He doesn't want us relying on our own abilities, talents, gifts, thoughts, inclinations, strengths etc..  he seems to want us wholly available, wholly ready.  it is tempting to add that he wants us wholly weak, but i don't think that's true - he promises that when we are weak then he is strong, but there is no suggestion that he wants us weak.. rather he wants us well armed and prepared because the battle is long and fierce. 

Paul in 2 Corinthians 2 gives us some interesting insight into weakness.. 
8 Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it [his thorn in the flesh] would leave me, 9 but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.

Like Paul the challenge is for us to be 'found in christ' when difficulties come. For us to still give him praise. Though I might be on weak theological ground, it doesn't seem to me that we are condemned for falling. (beyond the separation from God our sin promotes) rather that we are encouraged to turn from the sin, (repent) ask for forgiveness, and be retored in his grace and mercy. If this were not so, then surely none of us could ever stand, speak for God, lead or testify to his goodness.. and we would all only escape as ones through the fire.. 

So, that's my thoughts for today.. I will glory in my weakness whilst pressing on to take hold of all that God has for me. Not being held back on the times that I sin, but instead to submit myself to his correction (and the accountability of those who have responsibility for me) and rather than hide away under the judgement of God, rejoice in his saving grace and power, and live up to the calling he has placed on my life.