I am thankful

Lord God, thank you for changing me so much and giving me an abundance of blessing. I am blessed to be counted in your house, part of those who will be with you forever in paradise, saved from the consequences of my own actions, redeemed by the blood of Christ which stained the cross in place of my sins, loved by the Father like the Son and led by the Spirit.  If that is the sum total of all that has been done for me, it would be enough already to be eternally thankful.

But your love continues to penetrate my stubborn heart…

…It softens me when I am cold to change, and proud or belligerent

Your spirit shows me where I have yet to repent, and receive forgiveness – not so that I can be ‘more saved’ but so that I can be more ‘free’.  I’m so sorry that I take inordinate time arguing over every small thing you ask of me, and that my own embarrassment or shame at my actions slows down my readiness to repent when it should be the opposite.  How patient you are with me!  and what a model of patience I have to follow to love others. Thank you.

I thank you that despite myself, I find myself still married, still privileged to father wonderful children, still employable, still trustworthy, still within your eternal purpose, still able to be useful to you, still loved, still cherished, still sung over, still delighted in, still chosen, still wanted.   Thank you. Thank you.

I am never alone, even when I feel so. That I choose not to remember you are with me always, doesn’t change that you are. That I ignore your quiet whisper or that I forget to meditate on your words when I’m afraid, hesitant or sinful doesn’t make any of your words less true or less powerful. How you must despair of me!  You have destroyed nations for less disobedience, yet you spare me time after time. How merciful you are!  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Is there anywhere I can go to escape you?  Is there some way that I could hide in obscurity where you couldn’t find me? Is there someway I can turn my back on what you have done for me and gain the penalty I truly deserve? Is there any future for me that is not inextricably conjoined with you? Is there some sin I can commit that will have you disown me?  Is there some hurt I can rend on your church that there would be no place for me among it? Is there some harm I can do to myself that would invalidate my sonship?   I have not found any.   Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Though I rebel and frustrate and fight and lose my way, you are faithful, and patient, merciful, enduring, steadfast, gracious, compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.  I am truly thankful to know you, and love you however imperfectly.   Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you God.

 

 

Psalm 103:8-10  

⁸ The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹ He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.
¹⁰ He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.

English Standard Version (ESV)